The writing needs some serious hep, lots of "there" when it should be "they're" our "their" and some other mistakes like "sended" and some phrases that end in the middle oly to continue in the next paragraph. The story is pretty good , the world is pretty well writen so far and the development of the characters is good but the quality of the english is kind of low, if a proofread isn't possible try using grammarly or something.
Kagetanehiruko
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