Review Detail of US_DreamerDon in Luna : The Crescent Crest Elementalist

I would like to see more detail, as there isn't enough to pull me into the story. Second paragraph in the prologue describes a man who is wearing all black, being chased by others in similar clothing. All this with baby in tow. You describe that he is injured, but I can't bring myself to believe that his life is in jeopardy from his actions. I believe that you can elaborate and apply these details later in the chapter. Perfect example of this is when he actives the Shadow Trap. You just have him mumble- you can have: 'he closed his eyes, breathing heavily as he directed mana into his shadow.' You can also use this to describe how he might be running out of mana and how he's gradually getting worse the longer he runs. The backstory of magic and how not everyone can use them seems dry to me. It's an interesting hook, but can be approved upon. And I did have a problem with people's reactions not being genuine. Perfect example is when Anna tells James that she feels intruders and he doesn't clue into it. I also see switches between past tense and present tense a lot.