The story does have a decent plot and the grammar is actually pretty good. I do want to say that there should be a bit more detail going into the world background. The characters does seem like normal people and at are actually relatable. The story may get a bit hard to read because there are a few times that I caught the story jumping from one part to another with no warning before hand. to avoid any confusion, I do want to suggest to the author to add something like these:
(***) (~~~)
and so on, mainly at parts like time skips and when switching characters P. O. V, and also I suggest to show instead of telling about. What I mean by that is putting yourself in the characters position and actually feel what the character is feeling. Maybe when you want to describe a facial expression to make the same one in the mirror and write down what you see, for example,
I want to say my character is glaring. Instead of this:
"She glared at his rude remark."
Try to make it sound like this:
"Her eyebrows furrowed as her eyes narrowed, shooting daggers out of her eyes directly at him at his rude remark."
That will draw your readers more into the book and make them feel apart of it. Personally, one of the most important things while reading a book, I want to feel part of it and such.
Also, amazing cliffhangers! A good book always has cliffhangers at the end of each chapter to draw the reader's attention into the book and want them to read more. In my opinion, the most important cliffhanger is the first chapter because that is basically the first impression of your book not counting the cover and synopsis. I say that because I am one of those people who reads the first chapter first, then look at the synopsis and stuff.
overall, good storyline, good character description, good first chapter. I do see a huge amount of space for improvement, but over time I believe that the author will improve and who knows? Maybe even become one of the top authors on WebNovel.
With a little bit of perseverance and believing in yourself with a hint of imagination and creativity, anything is possible. You just gotta keep at it, I believe in you, dear author 💞
⠀ ｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
ﾟ。 ｡ﾟ
ﾟ･｡･ﾟ
︵ ︵
( ╲ / /
╲ ╲/ /
╲ ╲ /
╭ ͡ ╲ ╲
╭ ͡ ╲ ╲ ﾉ
╭ ͡ ╲ ╲ ╱
╲ ╲ ╱
╲ ╱
︶
