Review Detail of FalseProphet_ in The Mist of Presage
Review detail
I might be because I am stupid but I honestly have no idea what the **** was going. One minute he 7 and the next he was 20 then the next he is kissing spiderman aunt and then after that he wants to learn magic and then after that, he suddenly feels betrayed and wants to build an army to kill the sorcerer supreme. ( And yes I know that this is written terribly) Anyways the grammars alright and the updates are steady right now. For story development, I might have simplified it a bit but that is how it felt to me. It would also have been better to not learn magic under Yao, might just be me but she ruins stories. Also, the explanation for his hate makes no sense to me. I would say rewrite it as you only have a couple of chapters or not as it is still a decent story.
The Mist of Presage
License_to_Offend
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Had0s:It seems to me you did not read anything He was using Spidermans aunt to get close to peter( i Think because he wants use peter in the futer as pawn) There is nothing about him feeling betrayed, he does not care about the Sorcerer Supreme but is carefull There is nothing about him making an army
He didn't feel betrayed by anyone, the only thing he cares about that he might betray is his artificial intelligence
FalseProphet_:It seems I read it wrong it wasn't him who felt betrayed but someone else.
MarckBr:He didn't feel betrayed by anyone, the only thing he cares about that he might betray is his artificial intelligence