webnovel
silent_walker
silent_walkerLv34yr
2021-04-09 23:42

Your English is good but the crafting is not on the level, I reckon you study a few like viewpoint, Show not tell, and do mind to keep an eye for the little things that may not seem important as it sometimes sets off the readers. Your main problem I notice reading the first three chapter is that the viewpoint is wrong. it's much like an omniscient telling a story he knows everything about. You should change that to 1st or 3rd person omniscient. and Show don't tell, all the aspiring author get through this, I myself was an example. I fixed this problem through revising as I'm not still good enough to follow. that's all my personal thoughts reading the first 3 chapters. Good Day.

heavenly monarch

flamezdoa
4.5
189 Chs

Liked by 1 people

LIKE
Replies1
flamezdoa
flamezdoaAuthor

thanks silent_walker.

4yr
1
Other Reviews
Teejaystan
TeejaystanLv14

I'm a fan of cultivation and system novels so reading this is a must for me. I'm not picky in terms of grammar, as long as I can read, I'm okay with with. Recommendation, yes, try it

4yr

Springs_Halo
Springs_HaloLv13

It's a pretty decent read, other than a few grammatical errors here and there, it's quite enjoyable. Hope to see more chapters in the future

4yr
facial
facialLv2

Wow, what a great book. I love your work and I will be looking forward, to more chapters. Thank you very much Mr author. You such an amazing author.

4yr
fmreca_
fmreca_Lv1

It's been a while since the last time I read fantasy, but yours took me by surprise. Interesting story! I'm definitely going to keep on reading your story.

4yr
terryflick
terryflickLv3

This book is worth a read. Although the grammar isn't the best and in some cases the choice of words are quite bad. But it isn't that bad that it disrupts the flow of the novel. Giving the author a 5 star to encourage him

4yr
Mel_Aniv
Mel_AnivLv4

The story is good so far! I like how you vividly narrated the story and the development was nice and steady. I love the plotline and it was an enjoyable read! Keep it going until you reach a million views and you will find it pleasing to the eyes. Characters are showed well with various emotions and I can't help but be attached to them. Kudos and your reader here. Peace ✌️

4yr
KaturaJenks
KaturaJenksLv1

I like it. I'd suggest it to anyone who asked. For some reason I got the song Don't Look Back In Anger by Oasis stuck in my head while reading it... I dunno.

4yr
alicemiller_88
alicemiller_88Lv1

Hey! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to email kerawood.review*@*gmail.com  (delete *) We are mainly looking for adventurous novels (Fantasy, Sci-fi, Paranormal Urban, Action, Thriller/Suspense, Game Fiction). A brief introduction along with a few samples or links will be appreciated when reaching out. You might be our next top writer!

3yr
syafiq_1
syafiq_1Lv2

Decent novel. Quite good so far. Author should use “Grammarly” to fix grammatical error. Its free, so use it. Hope the novel will be better. Good luck author.

3yr
Related Stories

Birth of the Demonic Sword

"So, that's how my life ends, what a waste of time it was...". These were the last thoughts of a young man, shot by accident in a fight between local gangs. Little did he know that he would soon wake up in another world, a world of cultivation! This is the story of the whoreson of a wealthy family, of a transmigrator that had no purpose in his previous life, of a demon that will make power his reason to keep on living. Noah Balvan, after he transmigrated, will have to fight against his social status and the many difficulties of the world he was reborn in to obtain the power to stand free in the sky above anyone! Follow me on twitter: https://twitter.com/EoCNovels Instagram: eocnovels Discord link: https://discord.gg/CNh28NP Cover artist: https://digitalrowye.com/ Fandom: https://botds.fandom.com/wiki/Birth_of_the_Demonic_Sword_Wiki

Eveofchaos · Eastern
4.7
2364 Chs

Unscientific Beast Taming

Shi Yu woke up one day in a world built on the foundation of Beast Taming, where powerful monsters roam and great societies formed around the Beast Tamers who tame them. After concluding that he'd been reincarnated because he was good looking, he put his skills as a mythology expert to use, aiming to become a professional Beast Tamer so he wouldn't be poor again in this life. Thankfully, he had been reborn with a trump card in this life, a Skill Index that broke certain rules of the Beast Taming world. Starting from zero by secretly copying and teaching skills to domestic and wild beasts alike, Shi Yu stepped on the path of Beast Tamers as he raised a bunch of logic-defying and unreasonably strong beast pets... Key Words: Beasts, Beast Pets, Pets, Summoning

Sounding Stream · Eastern
4.3
1962 Chs

Top Tier Providence, Secretly Cultivate for a Thousand Years

Being reincarnated in a cultivation world, Han Jue realizes that he can live his life like a video game. He con reroll his cultivation potential and connate providence. So, he spends 11 years rerolling for a good one... [Unparalleled: Immortal beauty, top-notch charm] [Destined Sword fanatic: Top-notch Sword Dao aptitude, top-notch Sword Dao learning ability] [Unparalleled Movement Technique: Top-notch movement technique aptitude] [Descendant of the Immortal Emperor: You will receive an unparalleled cultivation technique and 1,000 superior-grade spirit stones] In pursuit of longevity, Han Jue decides to cultivate in a low-profile manner. A thousand years later, generations of cultivators have become history. That is when the deities start cleansing the mortal world. Han Jue can no longer hide and must do something about it. Then he realizes, deities and gods aren't that powerful after all!

Let me laugh · Eastern
4.5
1192 Chs

Longevity: Starting from the Qi Tags

【Over 20k high subscriptions with an average rating of 6000, a finely crafted piece】 Jiang Yuan found himself transmigrated to a mysterious fantasy world, thrust into an unforeseen survival crisis. The allure of his vast fortunes triggered intense greed among those around him. Fortunately, he had already unlocked the panel of qi movement, granting him the ability to observe others' innate qi movements and upgrade his own qi movement talents. Strong and robust (white)→ Extraordinary physique (green)→ Body of the dragon and tiger (blue)→ ??? (gold) Outstanding perception (green)→ Innate wisdom (blue)→ Peerless intelligence (purple)→ ???(gold) With each qi movement reaching its pinnacle, the accumulations were constant. His talents, unmatched in history, led him on the gradual journey of invincible transcendence. One day, his eyes developed double pupils, a radiant sun and the supreme yin above his head, his physical body attained sanctity, and his primordial spirit became immortal. The question lingered: Celestial beings above, dare to descend? ..................................... 【Longevity (Purple)】: Add ten thousand years to your lifespan and stay forever young! 【Solar Divine Body (Purple)】: Possessing the origin of the sun, commanding the innate divine power of true solar fire, and conjuring the great sun. 【Ancient Double Pupil (Gold)】: Born with double pupils, a phenomenon akin to the Human Emperor, regarded as the reincarnation of the ancient Human Emperor, endowed with unmatched talent. 【Five-Colored Divine Light (Gold)】:Innate divine power, once harnessed, renders everything within the five elements powerless to resist! 【Endless Cycle Exemption (Red)】: Inherent taboo, immune to the cycle of reincarnation, preserving the true spirit and allowing reincarnation without losing consciousness.

Scenery on the river · Eastern
3.8
1261 Chs
Login