Review Detail of KazuhiroSeijuro in Lotus Flower (BL)

I think overall you did a good job, the first chapter was really well written. But sometimes you tend to over explain the character emotions or thoughts which kinda ruin the pace of the story, some of your scenes aren't describing the characters's actions well. and try to use more commas, less as, and, but. The way you slowly reveled the unrequited love triangle of Lui and the prince was good. I still think it has room for improvement. Good job. 👍