Review Detail of Jccr in Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
Review detail
To begin with congratulations to the author for such an interesting start, and for planting such a "unique" mc construction. Now having so few chapters makes it hard to judge a story at first, so many times what starts out as something spectacular turns to crap. So in this review I will try from my experience as a reader of a lot of Harry Potter stories to give some parameters of what in my opinion differentiates a mediocre story from a good one. First is the beginning of a "villain" story, which is something that is rarely handled well, usually due to a lack of resistance to criticism from the authors. My advice if you are going to make a Grindelwald type character is not to do it half-heartedly, he has to be charismatic, manipulative, with a superiority complex, a bit detached from emotions and cruel. All of these characteristics have to be realistic and consistent, they can't be changed abruptly on a whim since the mc already had those characteristics at a young age. The second recommendation is to keep in mind that neither children are too smart nor adults are too dumb so the characters must be realistic, all adults cannot be easily manipulated nor can all children be naive, in other words use nuances. Third tip, and in my opinion what makes a story turn to shit. The world building should be "realistic" following the parameters Rowling builds in the Harry Potter world and innovating within them, in other words, no multi-verse travel, no talking dragons, or mystical powers of the founders, no Chinese novel type cultivation, no magical core, no accelerated growth, no mc being able to command adults as a child or teenager no matter how powerful he is (beware that this is a very common mistake), or that he is more powerful than Dumbledore in his first 5 or 6 years, etc. The important thing in my opinion is to plan the story well and have coherence with the world you are trying to raise, for example, Grindelwald is very hated by most in the magical world especially in the continent so being related to him is very dangerous so going to Hogwarts in a magical country where much of the high society is xenophobic and society is closed, besides being a breeding ground for young followers (as Voldemort did before he became a moron) is the right explanation why not to go to Dumstrang, a place where grandchildren of people killed by Grindelwald go. The last tip is don't rush the story, it has potential, many people will not like it and they are very vocal about it, but I assure you that many people like me like a cruel story, the one of a real villain, don't soften it to the (Mc). I also hope you don't concentrate on making the mc op give him time, he can be a genius but in life everything is time, no one can study 24 hours a day. This type of character should use politics like Tom Ridle in his time, concentrating on the young in, on the student body, adults do not follow children no matter how mature or powerful they are, is something to be proud of. Lastly don't forget Grindelwald is being hunted. Good luck with the story and to emphasize this is just my opinion and you don't have to follow it or share it. Lastly, I don't speak English very well so I translated it, sorry if I don't understand something very well.
Harry Potter and Grindelwald's Heir
FrenchViking
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Thanks for the tips, I'm completely new to writing so this is acutally is huge help. Also I would ask you if the story would be better in first person, from the perspective of the MC or just a third person view as in a narrator. I will definitely use your tips so thanks once more. Though, since I am still new, the character building and world building will be a bit lacking so if you have any specific ideas for this fanfic that would be a great help! And I will also try to rewrite the story before the MC enters a magical school because even with the first five chapters we barely know anything about the MC so I was thinking of either doing most of his character building during training or during school. But I'm not sure so yeah. I'm not entirely planning on making the MC a carbon copy of Grindelwald but at least with similar ideals, since Grindelwald has some truth to his cause and since it would be interesting. For a evil MC, I know that it will be complicated to pull off but I will try my best. in any case Thanks for everything! P.S : I'm writing on mobile so there might be a few typos or whatnot.
Oh and I also forgot to mention that after the graduation of the MC, I wanted him to be on the level of Bellatrix or Mad-eye, but I'm not sure if that's too strong or too weak so If you have any ideas for that, it would help a lot. Good day. :)
FrenchViking:Thanks for the tips, I'm completely new to writing so this is acutally is huge help. Also I would ask you if the story would be better in first person, from the perspective of the MC or just a third person view as in a narrator. I will definitely use your tips so thanks once more. Though, since I am still new, the character building and world building will be a bit lacking so if you have any specific ideas for this fanfic that would be a great help! And I will also try to rewrite the story before the MC enters a magical school because even with the first five chapters we barely know anything about the MC so I was thinking of either doing most of his character building during training or during school. But I'm not sure so yeah. I'm not entirely planning on making the MC a carbon copy of Grindelwald but at least with similar ideals, since Grindelwald has some truth to his cause and since it would be interesting. For a evil MC, I know that it will be complicated to pull off but I will try my best. in any case Thanks for everything! P.S : I'm writing on mobile so there might be a few typos or whatnot.
And Another thing is for the rewrite, since from my view all of these first chapters were draft written on the top of my head basically. I wanted to add more dialogue to the characters and more details to the story but I'm not sure on how to go about it so that would also be a big help! And while doing the rewrite I was thinking of writing it also in french or german since I speak also those languages so if thats a good idea tell me! Good day. :)
FrenchViking:Thanks for the tips, I'm completely new to writing so this is acutally is huge help. Also I would ask you if the story would be better in first person, from the perspective of the MC or just a third person view as in a narrator. I will definitely use your tips so thanks once more. Though, since I am still new, the character building and world building will be a bit lacking so if you have any specific ideas for this fanfic that would be a great help! And I will also try to rewrite the story before the MC enters a magical school because even with the first five chapters we barely know anything about the MC so I was thinking of either doing most of his character building during training or during school. But I'm not sure so yeah. I'm not entirely planning on making the MC a carbon copy of Grindelwald but at least with similar ideals, since Grindelwald has some truth to his cause and since it would be interesting. For a evil MC, I know that it will be complicated to pull off but I will try my best. in any case Thanks for everything! P.S : I'm writing on mobile so there might be a few typos or whatnot.
In my opinion the level of bellatrix and Mad Eye from the second war is not his peak level, so he should have the strength but not the experience.
FrenchViking:Oh and I also forgot to mention that after the graduation of the MC, I wanted him to be on the level of Bellatrix or Mad-eye, but I'm not sure if that's too strong or too weak so If you have any ideas for that, it would help a lot. Good day. :)
Well I think your way of narrating the story so far is perfect, besides not having much experience in creating characters the first person is a point of view is very difficult to raise well the feelings and thoughts of a character with a twisted mentality, and about the dialogues take into account the personality you want to project between the characters.
That's reasonable. post 1st war Moody or bellatrix after azkaban is reasonable. You can also try MC travelling throughout Europe to various magical sites or hidden villages, learning esoteric kinds of magic. Voldemort and Grindelwald were said to have done so. Dumbledore might have done that too. I think you should check 'Perversion of Purity'. It's a Harry Potter fanfiction similar to yours. It might turn out to be enlightening. especially chapters 20 and 21. You should also check Souls touch and the future changes. It has good character development that I believe is a lot like what led to to Tom Riddle's character. (not voldermort) A few points you might want to consider. —> What happens to muggleborns who's parents are against sending their ward to Magic school? .......Are the children forcefully taken? Is all memory of magic erased and the magic sealed? Are compulsions(the spell) used. —>Is the ministry concerning content related to witch hunts and other sensitive topics. —> Do dark arts really have a mental effect or is it just ministry propaganda. Of dark arts are mentally damaging, then can they be prevented by the mind arts. For the mind arts dont go with mindscape but stick to cannon. Check fanfictions like "harry potter and the boy who lived" and " the mind arts" by WU gang. —>Are magical creatures getting endangered? Are magical lands like the Forbidden forest getting destroyed? ( Canon: there's a law in ministry that ensures wizards exterminate or remove magical creatures from their habitat should they run the risk of exposure of the magical creatures to muggles.I think it was mentioned by Hermione in the first book. Not sure) —>prevent the destruction of traditions of the magic community by incoming muggle borns and also prevent pure bloods for trying to exterminate muggle borns. —> Are halfbloods and pure bloods superior to muggleborns in magic power (not talking about intelligence, look at ron, Hermione and harry. Hermione couldn't cast spells superior to those two even after studying all the time) —> You should go with the theory of wizards being magic conductors than processing magic cores. Are the witch hunts still taking place in secret ( check chap 20 of perversion of purity).
FrenchViking:Oh and I also forgot to mention that after the graduation of the MC, I wanted him to be on the level of Bellatrix or Mad-eye, but I'm not sure if that's too strong or too weak so If you have any ideas for that, it would help a lot. Good day. :)
