Review Detail of Necroghan in LoanShark Devil Guy

I liked the song at the beginning and I felt like the story progressed in quite an abstract way after that. I did enjoy it definitely worth a read. My one bit of constructive criticism would be: Stick to the same format throughout. For example; towards the end it started to read a little bit more like a movie script. Character 1: "abc" Character 2: "xyz" Try and keep it consistent throughout. For example: "Hey I like your hair" says Bruce. "Oh thank you!" replies Sally. "Well, yadda yadda yadda" "Sure! blabba blabba blabba" If they're just talking back and forth, you don't need to introduce them each time. Trust your readers to figure it out. If its unclear who's talking maybe chuck in a couple of: "blah blah blah" she said, twirling her hair. "blah blah blah" he replied raising an eyebrow. That's what I do anyway, hope it helps.