Review Detail of Slyyle in The Devil of Yuragi-sou
Review detail
Pretty fucking ass. It's basically a ripoff of the marvel father fic ( which was actually alright). It's only uniqueness is done from being a massive fucking anime crossover which is undermined by the absolute dogshit writing. Like sure it has good grammar and sentence structure but when you don't feel anything at all except for boredom from reading the sentence, it goes to show something's off. It wouldn't even be that bad if it weren't for the fact that it's humour is almost "Haha booby big big" in essence. I genuinely understand not at all as to why it's been catapulted to first place. Same with admin of girl's chat group. I reckon some botting's took place.
The Devil of Yuragi-sou
PridefulRoyalty
Liked by 5 people
LIKEReplies38
a ripoff huh, just because the mc has a daughter he needs to take care of you said that? what? are you telling me only the author of that fic can make something like that? tell me is there even similarities between my ff and marvel father ff? also, where did i even implied that haha booby big big humor huh? is this so bad yoi can't give it more than 1 star? and boring? dude read the tag this is a freaking slice of life, i even put in the description, this is a slow pace slice of life, if you find that boring why even read it in the first place
Stories can be slice of life and not boring too. Like little elements of mystery or some sort of conflict. Some sort of rite of passage where we grow along with the characters in the story. So far there's no genuine bonds between the characters except for "haha that girl pervert bad influence on girl" and "haha that girl alcoholic bad influence haha hehe" . Also you've just mixed in the worlds without consequence and mixed things randomly from among other anime, I understand that it's meant to be a crossover mixture but it's not done well in the sense that You included only one among many parts of dxd, the inn and species from inn and just characters from part timer. It's not fluid and super convoluted. If MC is satan then he is the original gremory but that can't happen because these words aren't actually related at all. It's just a chemical mixture with no fluid homogeneity. The character's don't really have any depth except for their interactions with Alice and calling her cute. It's just super bland and uninteresting. The only reason i called it a ripoff was because you have the almost identical concept except with a different world and different set of characters who literally have the same interactions with the characters as the Father fic does.
PridefulRoyalty:a ripoff huh, just because the mc has a daughter he needs to take care of you said that? what? are you telling me only the author of that fic can make something like that? tell me is there even similarities between my ff and marvel father ff? also, where did i even implied that haha booby big big humor huh? is this so bad yoi can't give it more than 1 star? and boring? dude read the tag this is a freaking slice of life, i even put in the description, this is a slow pace slice of life, if you find that boring why even read it in the first place
If you want constructive criticism. You can after finishing the story rewrite the story with a premise that slowly opens up. Like we could see in the prologue chapters that the Higher being who gave alex his powers couldn't read his mind, maybe that's some law for the god or maybe gods? Some sort of conflict could be introduced in the way that this specific god has chosen Alex as his avatar and alex is forced to undergo challenges and fight for the god. We've seen how god's can't read minds so knowing how Alex's been shown to be where he literally duped a god(or the god) we can make it a plot where he and his daughter have to make a long plan where for the sake of his family and friends he'll have to overpower the god who's been using him as a puppet for so long. That'd make sense and it won't have plot holes either. You could even go the route that Alex after experiencing pure family life and familial love becomes bored because we can infer from the first chapter that Alex was kind of spoilt but still smart. You could make it such that Alex has to undergo a type of conflict to keep his family out of harm's way in the sense that how in marvel the sentry has an archenemy of void( who is literally one of his ego's) you could make it such that an opposite ego that counters Alex. It's some sort of angelic creature that was birthed by the universe itself to counter Alex if he in the future becomes some sort of unruly overlord. It wouldn't seem fitting at first but if it'd be introduced well into the story it'd be great I've noticed that you've got good grammar and decent wordplay so you could try to make these vague sentences which almost always hint towards something bigger, a type of conflict. Or some sort of final emotion payoff. You could even go down the naive path of world unity where using the "relationship" that Alex has with the Emi he tries to build a safe haven for his daughter where demons and angels can live among themselves. We've even seen how Alex is smart enough to manipulate Emi's long time comrades into attempting to kill her. He could easily manipulate them. You could even go down the route of demon prevalence and dominance by inciting so much fear in the humans and angels that your demon's have enough energy to be alive and powerful. From that you could include a newer dynamic where the angels and higher up's understand that demons need fear to survive however the low life commoners of Elsa still don't understand and try to brave them. These are just vague ideas that I trust you're good enough to make into a fullblown storyline. I was only initially harsh on you because it always works better than giving normal criticism because most authors react better to negativity than positivity.
PridefulRoyalty:a ripoff huh, just because the mc has a daughter he needs to take care of you said that? what? are you telling me only the author of that fic can make something like that? tell me is there even similarities between my ff and marvel father ff? also, where did i even implied that haha booby big big humor huh? is this so bad yoi can't give it more than 1 star? and boring? dude read the tag this is a freaking slice of life, i even put in the description, this is a slow pace slice of life, if you find that boring why even read it in the first place
slice of life with mystery will work if its orginal and the mc doesn't know about the world. right passage where we grow along the characters? dude, its only been 30 chapters, and only weeks since the mc transmigrated, you can't expect him to suddenly grow in character. no genuine bonde between characters except for "haha pervert bad influence, haha girl alcohol bad influence" when and where did i write that? i also wrote some chapters where the mc and Alice can interact with other characters. i mixed world randomly from other anime without consequences? bruh, i only mixed hataraku, yuragi, and bleach and because they compliment each other. i did not add dxd, nor did i only add characters from the inn and hataraku, the mc mostly stayed in the inn so of course he will not meet other characters until later. what do you mean by "the mc is satan but he is also the original gremory, but that can't happen because the world isn't related at all." of course its not related, satan came from ente isla and only used gremory last name as his fabricated name in japan. the others don't have any depth aside from their interaction with alice? dude seriously? the story focused more on the mc raising his daughter, and i only wrote one chapter each for characters to interact with mc, you can't expect much on just that. you calling my ff a ripoff because the mc wanted to raise his daughter just like others? then why don't you comment on every fanfic out there that their story is just a ripoff of original? seriously. i won't say much if you at least gave a three, but one? what about the update stability? world background? and others? all of them are one star too?
Slyyle:Stories can be slice of life and not boring too. Like little elements of mystery or some sort of conflict. Some sort of rite of passage where we grow along with the characters in the story. So far there's no genuine bonds between the characters except for "haha that girl pervert bad influence on girl" and "haha that girl alcoholic bad influence haha hehe" . Also you've just mixed in the worlds without consequence and mixed things randomly from among other anime, I understand that it's meant to be a crossover mixture but it's not done well in the sense that You included only one among many parts of dxd, the inn and species from inn and just characters from part timer. It's not fluid and super convoluted. If MC is satan then he is the original gremory but that can't happen because these words aren't actually related at all. It's just a chemical mixture with no fluid homogeneity. The character's don't really have any depth except for their interactions with Alice and calling her cute. It's just super bland and uninteresting. The only reason i called it a ripoff was because you have the almost identical concept except with a different world and different set of characters who literally have the same interactions with the characters as the Father fic does.
the plot you've mentioned has been used by many other stories, so their ripoff too. i already have a plot in mind on my story, you can't just expect the plot that decides the end of the novel to be introduced on the first volume yeah?
Slyyle:If you want constructive criticism. You can after finishing the story rewrite the story with a premise that slowly opens up. Like we could see in the prologue chapters that the Higher being who gave alex his powers couldn't read his mind, maybe that's some law for the god or maybe gods? Some sort of conflict could be introduced in the way that this specific god has chosen Alex as his avatar and alex is forced to undergo challenges and fight for the god. We've seen how god's can't read minds so knowing how Alex's been shown to be where he literally duped a god(or the god) we can make it a plot where he and his daughter have to make a long plan where for the sake of his family and friends he'll have to overpower the god who's been using him as a puppet for so long. That'd make sense and it won't have plot holes either. You could even go the route that Alex after experiencing pure family life and familial love becomes bored because we can infer from the first chapter that Alex was kind of spoilt but still smart. You could make it such that Alex has to undergo a type of conflict to keep his family out of harm's way in the sense that how in marvel the sentry has an archenemy of void( who is literally one of his ego's) you could make it such that an opposite ego that counters Alex. It's some sort of angelic creature that was birthed by the universe itself to counter Alex if he in the future becomes some sort of unruly overlord. It wouldn't seem fitting at first but if it'd be introduced well into the story it'd be great I've noticed that you've got good grammar and decent wordplay so you could try to make these vague sentences which almost always hint towards something bigger, a type of conflict. Or some sort of final emotion payoff. You could even go down the naive path of world unity where using the "relationship" that Alex has with the Emi he tries to build a safe haven for his daughter where demons and angels can live among themselves. We've even seen how Alex is smart enough to manipulate Emi's long time comrades into attempting to kill her. He could easily manipulate them. You could even go down the route of demon prevalence and dominance by inciting so much fear in the humans and angels that your demon's have enough energy to be alive and powerful. From that you could include a newer dynamic where the angels and higher up's understand that demons need fear to survive however the low life commoners of Elsa still don't understand and try to brave them. These are just vague ideas that I trust you're good enough to make into a fullblown storyline. I was only initially harsh on you because it always works better than giving normal criticism because most authors react better to negativity than positivity.
Slice of life with mystery can also work in this story since you randomly introduce new stories we can maybe say that there's some hidden scheme behind this world. You've already made character growth anyway in Alex through his family. The fact that you can't consider that simple growth in maturity in Alex is also just showing that you just don't understand how you can subtly introduce character growth and pepper some depth into them. It's been 30 chapters too. But considering the earlier demon lord's memories which he's absorbed he should also be more mature since he's seen how people react to certain sort of elements. But the current character just seems super inexperienced but still smart enough even though that just seems contrarian since he's got the memory of an also intelligent but naive demon lord. It's just not that great mate.
PridefulRoyalty:slice of life with mystery will work if its orginal and the mc doesn't know about the world. right passage where we grow along the characters? dude, its only been 30 chapters, and only weeks since the mc transmigrated, you can't expect him to suddenly grow in character. no genuine bonde between characters except for "haha pervert bad influence, haha girl alcohol bad influence" when and where did i write that? i also wrote some chapters where the mc and Alice can interact with other characters. i mixed world randomly from other anime without consequences? bruh, i only mixed hataraku, yuragi, and bleach and because they compliment each other. i did not add dxd, nor did i only add characters from the inn and hataraku, the mc mostly stayed in the inn so of course he will not meet other characters until later. what do you mean by "the mc is satan but he is also the original gremory, but that can't happen because the world isn't related at all." of course its not related, satan came from ente isla and only used gremory last name as his fabricated name in japan. the others don't have any depth aside from their interaction with alice? dude seriously? the story focused more on the mc raising his daughter, and i only wrote one chapter each for characters to interact with mc, you can't expect much on just that. you calling my ff a ripoff because the mc wanted to raise his daughter just like others? then why don't you comment on every fanfic out there that their story is just a ripoff of original? seriously. i won't say much if you at least gave a three, but one? what about the update stability? world background? and others? all of them are one star too?
The first plot wasn't fully original but would be very logical and very well built up. It'd also make for a cohesive story . Whilst the rest weren't original ,they would also be just as very interesting (except for the fucking naive path, nobody will like that path) including to the fact that the story would seem much heavier than you put on since readers will think that you actually peppered in a deeper story in the literal prologue make them go back and read more to figure out the plot even further, That'd increase readability and replace value(in this case reread value) . The stuff you're planning ahead to will just end up bland with how flat the current characters are and that'd be really sad considering this story has above average potential.
PridefulRoyalty:the plot you've mentioned has been used by many other stories, so their ripoff too. i already have a plot in mind on my story, you can't just expect the plot that decides the end of the novel to be introduced on the first volume yeah?
You could also introduce a world that MC doesn't recognize at all, Or include worlds that'd shift the power dynamic. Like introduce some less mainstream anime or something as such. We've seen how smart MC is so you could show him plotting or something as such to keep his family lowkey but still not a force to interfere with.
PridefulRoyalty:slice of life with mystery will work if its orginal and the mc doesn't know about the world. right passage where we grow along the characters? dude, its only been 30 chapters, and only weeks since the mc transmigrated, you can't expect him to suddenly grow in character. no genuine bonde between characters except for "haha pervert bad influence, haha girl alcohol bad influence" when and where did i write that? i also wrote some chapters where the mc and Alice can interact with other characters. i mixed world randomly from other anime without consequences? bruh, i only mixed hataraku, yuragi, and bleach and because they compliment each other. i did not add dxd, nor did i only add characters from the inn and hataraku, the mc mostly stayed in the inn so of course he will not meet other characters until later. what do you mean by "the mc is satan but he is also the original gremory, but that can't happen because the world isn't related at all." of course its not related, satan came from ente isla and only used gremory last name as his fabricated name in japan. the others don't have any depth aside from their interaction with alice? dude seriously? the story focused more on the mc raising his daughter, and i only wrote one chapter each for characters to interact with mc, you can't expect much on just that. you calling my ff a ripoff because the mc wanted to raise his daughter just like others? then why don't you comment on every fanfic out there that their story is just a ripoff of original? seriously. i won't say much if you at least gave a three, but one? what about the update stability? world background? and others? all of them are one star too?
Also if you do have a plot in your mind then do pepper hints about it because it'll make the story more gripping and more bearable if we assume that the story will become better as it goes on due to the fact it's been planned out with depth
PridefulRoyalty:the plot you've mentioned has been used by many other stories, so their ripoff too. i already have a plot in mind on my story, you can't just expect the plot that decides the end of the novel to be introduced on the first volume yeah?
You've missed many options for early growth in the MC's depth because he somehow instantly falls into the role of a father but somehow not gotten the maturity from the original's experiences. It's been shown that's he's very-very fatherly to a literal unknown child he's no relations. You can't just say "Oh how do you expect character growth when you're only 20 chapters in" and also put mc into the role of a loving father when his daughter was a literal sphere of light energy a few days back.
PridefulRoyalty:slice of life with mystery will work if its orginal and the mc doesn't know about the world. right passage where we grow along the characters? dude, its only been 30 chapters, and only weeks since the mc transmigrated, you can't expect him to suddenly grow in character. no genuine bonde between characters except for "haha pervert bad influence, haha girl alcohol bad influence" when and where did i write that? i also wrote some chapters where the mc and Alice can interact with other characters. i mixed world randomly from other anime without consequences? bruh, i only mixed hataraku, yuragi, and bleach and because they compliment each other. i did not add dxd, nor did i only add characters from the inn and hataraku, the mc mostly stayed in the inn so of course he will not meet other characters until later. what do you mean by "the mc is satan but he is also the original gremory, but that can't happen because the world isn't related at all." of course its not related, satan came from ente isla and only used gremory last name as his fabricated name in japan. the others don't have any depth aside from their interaction with alice? dude seriously? the story focused more on the mc raising his daughter, and i only wrote one chapter each for characters to interact with mc, you can't expect much on just that. you calling my ff a ripoff because the mc wanted to raise his daughter just like others? then why don't you comment on every fanfic out there that their story is just a ripoff of original? seriously. i won't say much if you at least gave a three, but one? what about the update stability? world background? and others? all of them are one star too?
I'm a reader not an author. Let me use your arguement against you. "Lol why not just make your own novel about me complaining instead of complaining about me giving criticism" You dumb celibate.
Lord_Snow:lol why not just make your own novel than complain for something about plot because you like marvel.
Slyyle:I'm a reader not an author. Let me use your arguement against you. "Lol why not just make your own novel about me complaining instead of complaining about me giving criticism" You dumb celibate.
This guy is just forcing his ideals onto you author, you should've just ignored it with a "Thanks for the review" and be done with it. Why waste time on someone who only wants to reads something similar to what he said than read something like yours.
PridefulRoyalty:slice of life with mystery will work if its orginal and the mc doesn't know about the world. right passage where we grow along the characters? dude, its only been 30 chapters, and only weeks since the mc transmigrated, you can't expect him to suddenly grow in character. no genuine bonde between characters except for "haha pervert bad influence, haha girl alcohol bad influence" when and where did i write that? i also wrote some chapters where the mc and Alice can interact with other characters. i mixed world randomly from other anime without consequences? bruh, i only mixed hataraku, yuragi, and bleach and because they compliment each other. i did not add dxd, nor did i only add characters from the inn and hataraku, the mc mostly stayed in the inn so of course he will not meet other characters until later. what do you mean by "the mc is satan but he is also the original gremory, but that can't happen because the world isn't related at all." of course its not related, satan came from ente isla and only used gremory last name as his fabricated name in japan. the others don't have any depth aside from their interaction with alice? dude seriously? the story focused more on the mc raising his daughter, and i only wrote one chapter each for characters to interact with mc, you can't expect much on just that. you calling my ff a ripoff because the mc wanted to raise his daughter just like others? then why don't you comment on every fanfic out there that their story is just a ripoff of original? seriously. i won't say much if you at least gave a three, but one? what about the update stability? world background? and others? all of them are one star too?
