The premise is very promising, and certainly delivers throughout futher chapters. The sentence structure feels a tad off, and it would be a pitty if it were to repel future readers from reading the story. Overall, I deem the story to be a bit of a rough draft of what it could be. I hope you keep practicing, so that all of us might read it in the future.
DarkseidEquation
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LIKEDarkseidEquation:Thank you. I'll continue to improve my writing for my novel and to attract more readers.Can you give me some examples where I was off in the writing?