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DerangedPirate
DerangedPirateLv54yr
2020-12-29 07:26

Read Chapter one and chapter one only. While I most definetely am not an authority or knowledgeble on how reincarnation and karma should function, I don't believe this is the best way to go about it. The first issue I have with this is that somehow the acts of curing a disease and a virus counts towards his karma instead of the person who actually preformed those miracles (the girlfriend of the MC). Makes zero sense to me. He did not save her life, he did not inspire her to do so or aid her in the process of finding cures. He basically did f*ck all. Conclusion; People who preform acts that could infuence karma negatively or positively should have their own karma negatively or positively changed. The boyfriend(MC) of the person who actually preformed the acts of great renown in this case should recieve zilch, nothing, nada. The second ''Issue'' is more personal dislike orientated, though illogical decision making/missed opportunities (in my oppinion) plays a part; The 4 Wishes. The first wish makes him akin to Ban for Nanatsu no Taizai obviously. In other words superhuman, speed, strength and immortality. Dont understand why you didn't just frame the first wish like; I want the abilities of Ban from NNTZ with a change, that change being endless mental stamina instead of Bans {Snatch} ability but Ok. Would be more concice. So far no real issues here. The second wish is to my knowledge is exactly the same as Ultra instinct from DBZ Super or Observation Haki from One piece. Again If you framed it out like this it would be more concise. No real issues yet, so far so good. The third wish is mainly why I'm typing this review; ''A body with a fast healing factor like wolverine'' Made from Vibranium. I'm not an expert on NNTZ or Ban but I am damn sure Ban can near instantaneously heal from just about anything, Asking for another healing factor is completely redundant. The 2nd part of the 3rd Wish; A body made from vibranium, in my eyes is the same as wishing for a near indestructible body. If you want an indestructible body why not wish for armament haki without the ''seawater/water weakness'' from One Piece? It would go with the general theme of the second wish and complement each other. Unlike vibranium, armament haki can continue to evolve and strengthen. Also unlike a vibranium body Haki has many offensive capabilities aswell besides just having a body that's ''hard as steel'' and thus hurting significantly more when attacking. The only limit being mental fortitude and willpower but since you already made the MC ask for near limitless mental stamina I doubt this is a limit in the first place. If he did ask for armament haki he might aswell have asked for all 3 forms of haki without the seawater/water weakness in a singular wish, as the second wish. This would save him a wish (the 3rd Wish) and considering this ''God'' only had a slight objection towards the final wish I doubt he would disagree on the condition that the MC had to train and learn haki himself. This would give him something to works towards, instead of an instant near invulnerability from damage. It would also unlock a new avenue of growth and abilities, that being conqueror's Haki. The applications of wich could only be hindered by your own creativity. Conclusion; Wasted opportunities, illogical decision making.

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TheGodSage
TheGodSageAuthor

if you read a but further you would see he wasn't supposed to reincarnate but Bree wished for him to reincarnate with her... But whatever

TheGodSage
TheGodSageAuthor

but yeah everything else you said is totally logical... that's why I'm making a new fanfic for marvel after finishing this one

DerangedPirate
DerangedPirateLv5

Not hating btw just to clarify Just wanted to type out my view on this with the hope that you might be able to make changes should you agree and hopefully increase the overall quality. Also do keep in my mind I only read the first chapter like I stated. The karma thing and the wishes were just a personal ''dealbreaker''. Just because I don't like it in it's current form doesn't mean other people dislike it. I must admit after the large amount of fanfics/stories I have read up until this point lowered my patience and made me rather selective about what I want to read. Many things such as power scaling inbalances for example have become ''story killing pet peeves'' for me. I'll keep this in my library and check it every once in a while so I can read your new marvel fanfic. Good luck

TheGodSage:but yeah everything else you said is totally logical... that's why I'm making a new fanfic for marvel after finishing this one
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