Review Detail of JohnPlume in Secret Santa System

I love the concept! I want to state that first before anything else. I hope the author continues this story long into the future and does not abandon it quickly after the holiday season. I find this story hilarious but more so than that, I find that having a Santa character will potentially bring a needed generosity and kindness often lacking in cultivation worlds. Main characters in cultivation novels are often so ruthless and have no problem with killing to the point I often question why the audience should root for them. Granted the MC has displayed a certain level of ruthlessness, but he has also displayed a certain level of complexity towards people he tried to steal from that it gives me some hope. I hope down the line he keeps to a certain level of morals and does not kill people, even when it gets hard. After all, we are talking about Santa. I hope our new Santa/MC does not conform to cultivation world norms and makes the world conform to the ideals of his exalted position. Now, for negatives. I love the story, I love the concept, and I even love the characters given what little we have seen. That said, this story is not flawless. First, be a bit more careful with your spelling and grammar. In several places you have misspelled words, added extra words, had awkward grammar/sentences, etc. It's definitely not the worst I have ever seen, but be a bit more careful. Second, I think you need to put in more effort to making the "heists"/gift giving visits more detailed and realistic. Especially the preparation/planning phase. Sorry for the spoiler, but little time is spent on Drake/Santa actually planning how he is going to get into the mansion of his first target. There is no tension built up or effort seemingly put in him figuring out different ways on how he is going to do this theft. The story simply mentions that he met with a deus ex machina fired employee and suddenly knows how to get in. The story does not even show the initial meeting or interaction with this employee. It would have been more interesting if Drake was scoping out the building, coming up with and shooting down multiple approaches in his mind when he hears a drunk making a scene. By listening to the drunk's mostly incomprehensible words, Drake would have noticed that he was recently fired place the MC is targetting. Then he could have gotten up to lead the drunk away to buy/shake him down for information he could have used to plan his heist. In this scenario, the key information would have felt more satisfying and realistic because to feels more like the MC EARNED that information. Instead of having a convenient font of information suddenly fall in his lap, he showed his own initiative by noticing people in the background and making contact with the man without other people being suspicious of him. The point I am trying to make here is take your time and be detailed. This story will essentially be a heist novel with a twist. In heist stories, the process is just as important (if not more) as the end result. Show every tiny step of the process. Explain in detail every obstacle that our MC has to overcome, the challenges he faces, and the process of him coming up with ways on how to overcome those challenges (even if it includes him tossing aside ideas). There can't always be that conveniently fired employee nearby which can reveal super quickly there is a secret passageway. Tracking down and making great efforts to acquire key information can be interesting as well as show his talents. Take it slow. If done right, the process of him gathering information and preparing can add dramatic tension and character depth, making the story much more interesting. Finally, the last issue I want to point out is to be careful not to make Drake too much of an expert. So far, you have made it seem like he is a thieving master given that he quickly and seemingly without any challenge came up a way to break into the most guarded mansion. He is also seemingly so skilled that on his own (with little time or money) he came up with/mixed a concoction that could take down the guards. However, there is several problems with this that could harm your story long term. First, if you make Drake breeze through the heists/visits with too much ease without going into greater examination of the challenges, then it makes things TOO easy for the protagonist. It gets boring for the audience if we don't see how the protagonist struggles. Like I said above, take your time. Our protagonist does not need to be perfect. The fun of novels is seeing how the protagonist grows over time (in multiple ways). Showing his efforts, thought process, turmoil, and trials makes him more human and relatable. The second problem with making Drake too skilled is that it doesn't really fit his background. He stole stuff from children when he was on Earth. He was a pickpocket. Perhaps a very skilled, cautious, observant and I even give knowledgeable pickpocket. However, I do not think he was by any means in the big leagues (or maybe he was at some point but he sure wasn't in the only Earth scene we saw). Heck, I am not even sure how many skills would truly carry over as pickpocketing would require different skills than breaking in/burglary even though both are thieves. Maybe Drake would have some experiences with breaking into buildings we have yet to see, but even so it would not have been his bread and butter by the time he was reincarnated if the one event is any indication. In addition, no matter how good of a thief he was, that would also not exactly translate into him having knowledge about how to make homemade pepper spray strong enough to take down guards. I might know what pepper spray is, but I would not have the first clue on how to make it myself. You will need to give some reasonable explanation in his backstory as to why he even knows how to make such concoctions. This is not even mentioning the various obstacles he would now be ignorant of in this new world. It is not just formations which we have already seen. There could pet monsters, magical materials built into structures, special defensive artifacts, golems, alchemic traps, etc. No matter how much of an expert he was on Earth, and I do not think he was much of one, he would be suddenly be back to the beginner level (or close to it). Personally, I think you are going to need to have him train his thievery techniques (perhaps with his new partner) in order to show his growth slowly. Maybe during the process he could give gifts to other people not explicitly told by the system, earning additional fate points on the side. After all, Santa gives presents to a large number of people all around the world, not just one or two elites. Also, since you bothered to give him a talent with chemistry, you shouldn't neglect that as well. It probably deserves to be developed slowly over time as well, maybe with a sect alchemy teacher (btw I suddenly am interested in him developing a Christmas smoke bomb that is green and red or other Christmas themed gadgets). In summation, for all those who bothered to stick to the end of this review, I like this story. It has an interesting concept and interesting characters that have a depth that can be explored. It adds a much needed sense of kindness and generosity that is perhaps lacking in this genre. However, the author needs to take his time more and be a bit more detailed. Having a slower pace, showing the process/challenges as well as the character slowly developing over time would make the story much more interesting and easier to connect to. I hope the author will slowly and carefully cultivate this story until it blooms into the great epic I know this concept can be.