Review Detail of phoenixhyperion in Dropped Novel [sample]

So, okay, here it goes, the way you describe and narrate things is nice. But I'd rather suggest you proofread your story because of confusing story flow and a bit of flawed development. I don't mean it as a bad thing, mind you. You grasp the character designs well. But your sentence structure ruins that. In its goal of explaining things, it has a bad effect of making your readers more confused. If you fix that, I'm sure your book will flourish. It's still in Chapter 2 yet it contains the element of surprise. Hope you write more author! Keep up the good work!