EnigmationLv44yr

2021-04-06 11:50

Reviewed as of chp35: Grammar is alright, however quite a few spelling mistakes and liberal use of quotation marks instead of apostrophes in their intended context causes some confusion. Thankfully the sentences are still readable. Plotwise, it's interesting and the author has some good ideas. It is merely the execution of said ideas are at best average. Perhaps this can be a point of improvement for the author. Character wise, the MC's abilities are interesting to read about, both kekkai genkais are powerful and offer some creative battle scenes. The problem is that the MC's personality is abit jarring. While reading the beginning chps, the MC seemed cold, ruthless and pretty much an ass. But suddenly he cares more about his colleagues than a woman(his mom) who took care of him for years, risked life and more for him to protect but he doesn't care about her. That's fine, I can suspend my disbelief as maybe he's an unsympathetic character with no real connection to anyone who is starting to open up. But suddenly he also cares about random teammates that he just met and that's just jarring. His personality switch was just too jarring and given no monologue for the reader to see the process of his change. Also the author writes him(maybe unintentionally) as someone who panics quite a fair bit. I'm not entirely sure but I assume it's cause the author wants to write a scene with drama but again, the execution falls flat. He isn't even a normal ninja but for some reason has these moments of utter panic. Confusion, worry, frustration etc are normal emotions but panic from someone who was trained and has not even use his full abilities in a fight seems ridiculous. Now the side characters are neither here nor there, they are simply side characters. Like how the MC acted before, I find no connection nor am I invested in any of them. Unfortunately, some of the focus on their fights are fine but sometimes lengthened too much for my liking(tbh I skipped some of the side char fights because like I said no connection or investment on the reader's side, we have no time to build it up, we are simply shown their MC's teammates before jumping into fight scenes that in the grand scheme of things don't really matter). I believe the author can definitely make some improvement on the execution of character development and their inner monologues. Give us more details on their aspirations, short backgrounds or even their connections to other characters. For updating stability, it seems reasonable. Now world background, it's Naruto, it ain't super deep but definitely more than good enough. I like how the author started the MC in a different village other than Konoha for once. Thanks author for sharing the story. This review isn't to bash but to critique it a little in hopes that it might be useful to you. Please continue to write and improve!

Naruto: Of Bone and Ice

Lavalord115

4.6

113 Chs