Review Detail of Alpha_Medic in The League of Nightmares (Dropped)
Review detail
I was drawn in from the first paragraph. The direct addressing of the readership caught my attention, which is a definite plus! After that, the story felt a bit disjointed, however. I'm not sure if this is because of the circumstances of the MC, or merely accidental, but I choose to believe the former. Keep up the good work, as it seems like you've got a gem on your hands! A bit more polish, and I have no doubt it's going to shine brilliantly. Good work, Author!
The League of Nightmares (Dropped)
ThePotatoKing
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Can you tell me where exactly did the disjointed feeling come, I am currently making the character go through a development arc (ch9 - ch 13/14). That should fix most of his self-contradictory behavior. If that was the source of disjointedness then don't worry it will be fixed soon, if it was something else do tell me I will try to fix it!
It was actually the first few chapters. It felt like things were rushed at some points, while drawn out at others. I couldn't get a grasp of the pacing of the storytelling, but it also felt right because it (possibly unintentionally) mimicked the MC's panicked state. I hope that helps clear things up? I don't want to get too specific with examples for fear of spoiling the story before people can read it!
ThePotatoKing:Can you tell me where exactly did the disjointed feeling come, I am currently making the character go through a development arc (ch9 - ch 13/14). That should fix most of his self-contradictory behavior. If that was the source of disjointedness then don't worry it will be fixed soon, if it was something else do tell me I will try to fix it!
Thanks! That helped. Since the MC is kind of an 'unreliable' narrator, the pacing and everything else about the story directly results in the MC's mental state. Which is frankly crazy and inconsistent. He himself doesn't know why is he doing what he is doing. He is fickle, sometimes he just goes with the flow at times he just flips the table. Another thing might be that I am trying to mix the slow growth of a web novel with the fast-paced action of a real novel, it might take me some time to get a consistent pace. Most of these problems should go away after the current arc. Once he resolves his internal issues, the narration and his actions will get more consistent and reliable. However, his snarky attitude and madness will probably stay. I hope you will give the story a chance and enjoy it. Thanks for the review again. Knowing where to improve is really helpful.
Alpha_Medic:It was actually the first few chapters. It felt like things were rushed at some points, while drawn out at others. I couldn't get a grasp of the pacing of the storytelling, but it also felt right because it (possibly unintentionally) mimicked the MC's panicked state. I hope that helps clear things up? I don't want to get too specific with examples for fear of spoiling the story before people can read it!
You're welcome! I hope I was a bit if help, and I am excited to see where the story goes from here!!!
ThePotatoKing:Thanks! That helped. Since the MC is kind of an 'unreliable' narrator, the pacing and everything else about the story directly results in the MC's mental state. Which is frankly crazy and inconsistent. He himself doesn't know why is he doing what he is doing. He is fickle, sometimes he just goes with the flow at times he just flips the table. Another thing might be that I am trying to mix the slow growth of a web novel with the fast-paced action of a real novel, it might take me some time to get a consistent pace. Most of these problems should go away after the current arc. Once he resolves his internal issues, the narration and his actions will get more consistent and reliable. However, his snarky attitude and madness will probably stay. I hope you will give the story a chance and enjoy it. Thanks for the review again. Knowing where to improve is really helpful.