Review Detail of Arvolth_Edelweiss in King of PES

I hope you can improve your grammar ASAP, some tips for you: try to read it loud by your self and I bet you will find some conversation and paragraph is odd, I'm definietly not expert but I can somewhat know that the word you used is wrong. I can't say much about world background and story development since I think its still too early to judge it. the character design is too bland, I don't feel the characterization or maybe some say the "soul" of character at all, try read other works maybe you can take some inspiration from them. and good work, hope you can do it better for the future chapter.