Review Detail of LinYang in Of Life and Death, Across the Veil
Review detail
Hey there, I am terribly sorry that I never actually realized that we were swapping reviews; I was asking some others for honest reviews and I forgot that I had asked you for a swap, so I'm very sorry for that. Anyways, let's go. I'll give some of my honest thoughts. I'm not very big on paranormal stories, but I'll do my best to be objective. Writing quality overall is quite good. I spotted little to no grammar mistakes, though I am a little confused as to whether or not you are writing this in past or present tense. It is best to choose one and to stick to it, and I believe that most people prefer past tense. Stability of updates...I know that we are all busy people. The quality of a work shouldn't be based on how often an author updates, really. I see that you also have other works, so I'll pass on this one. Your story is developing quite fast. The plot moves along at a nice pace. You only have a few chapters out, so I cannot say much more. But your premise right now calls for intrigue. Again, you only have a few chapters out right now, so I cannot say much for character design. However, you seem to have given very little description or explanation of who each character is. Your style also lacks outside narration. For example, if Rina has been staying there for a couple of days, you could probably sum up from her point of view a couple of the people she's with and what they're like, so that the readers have an image in their heads. Again, you only have a few chapters out, so I cannot say much on your world background. However, I think a little more explanation would be good. Are werewolves a secret in this world or not? Is there anything else different about this world? You can drop in hints and things in between thoughts as well. All in all, you've got a good grasp on writing with room for improvement. I feel that you could use narration a bit more rather than staying in the scene, as that can come a bit tiring to readers. Keep writing author; you will become better than you are now.
Of Life and Death, Across the Veil
Below_the_current
Liked by 2 people
LIKEReplies2
Thank you so much!!! And it's fine dw lol. But I really appreciate it. There's a lot of things messy with that one because I keep on changing and adding to it, and now that I fully have a grasp of a sort of plot I've been drowning in self-hate with how bad it is and how much I have to fix. Basically procrastinating by working on the other "more interesting and fun" works of mine. I find it really difficult sometimes with the tenses. A lot of the time i forget to give it time before going back to edit it and I end up missing those things. So thank you so much for pointing it out. And with the narration thing, gosh you just made me realise I've been using too much show instead of getting a good balance between them. I'll be looking up info on how to fix that. Thank you. It seems I won't be sleeping for a couple of days until I can get it fixed. Fighting!