Review Detail of JcPancakes in Realities Abound (On Hiatus)

A story about Ahmad, who suddenly passed away, taken away by a higher being into adventures and journeys of different fictional universes. Writing Quality: There are some minor mistakes in the grammar but the choice of words and expressions are superb. Very descriptive on the monologues and expressions. Excellent! I've also noticed that there are too many commas in one sentence (I understand that the author is trying to put in more details). Break them up and give some breathing room for the readers. Too many things happening in one phrase can also be confusing at times. Stability of Updates: From the intervals between updates, 5 stars. Keep up the consistency! Story Development: Adding a different twist on pre-existing stories is interesting, a background knowledge on the stories will improve the quality of reading for the readers. Just a suggestion, add some background and context from the other fictional universes. For example, who is Voldemort and what are his goals, why is he doing this and that? To foster some inclusiveness among every reader. (I know Harry Potter is a famous piece of work but there will always be some people who did not read about it. But how about the other universes you're going to write? There might be one work that isn't as popular.) Character Design: I think the character's design is quite shallow, at least for now. There isn't something that is truly the character's. What is he thinking? What are his traits? Is he very courageous, or is he a coward? Would he do something for someone he doesn't know in expense of himself, or he finds it not worth it for that? The introduction of the family is something I find interesting. What is his relationship with his family? Is he close to them, does he miss them when he's gone? Can that become his source of strength in difficult times? But it was cut short, maybe there will be more details in the future. World Background: Again this story is reliant on pre-existing fictional works. Despite that being the main focus, I've always return to the Void in Between Realities. That is the unique thing about this story, yours and truly yours. It should be expanded more, in my opinion. Is there more to it than just a void and the Guardian in it? Will Ahmad meet people similar to him, who can hop in between universes? What are the repercussions if someone else arrives before him and the storyline did not go as originally intended? So much possibilities. Conclusion: The writing quality is excellent but there are much to improve in the character and world building. The story is still in its infancy and its potential is endless. Perhaps the juicy bits aren't here yet. Would recommend to keep in your libraries and follow on the updates.