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Rahman_833
Rahman_833Lv14yr
2020-10-01 20:43

story tooooooooooooooo hasty oh this is the system, you are the enemy, attack, THE END ooooh holy smoke, rainbow is beautifu one two three, dad went to the market and mom read the paper

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Other Reviews
Redfar
RedfarLv5

J'ai lu jusqu'au chapitre 6 pour l'instant. Je vais pas mentir c'était un peu compliqué à lire jusque là, je m'explique : Le fait que tu n'écrive pas quand le point de vue change c'est très déstabilisant (il y a certains endroits où j'ai du relire deux voir trois fois avant de comprendre que ça avait changé de point de vue). C'est tout ce que j'ai trouvé que vous pouvez changé pour que ça soit plus agréable à lire, le reste : la sortie de chapitre est bon, le personnage principale est intéressant (j'aime bien le fait qu'il soit intéresser par l'histoire et la stratégie), le développement de l'histoire est assez classique, un système d'invocation, quoique assez OP, il peut littéralement rester pour toujours dans une grotte et jamais sortir pendant 5 ans et construire son armée puis sortir et faire son propre royaume ou autre puisqu'il peut avoir eau et nourriture à l'infinis. Le fond du monde pour l'instant je ne peux rien dire on en sait pas encore assez. Donc dans l'ensemble, histoire assez intéressante pour l'instant avec pas mal de potentielle même si un peu compliqué à lire. **: je suis d'accord avec l'autre review, essayez de lui donner quelque chose pour qu'il ne soit pas porter H24 par son soldat. Je veux dire, d'accord on est dans un autre monde et la technologie est pas très évolué mais le protagoniste doit quand même avoir une vague idée de comment faire un fauteuil roulant, il peut très bien le faire en bois ou alors allez voir un forgeron, ou alors des béquilles ou quelque chose d'autre pour s'aider.(Je sais pas si vous connaissez mais si non regardez sur google Jin Ohtomo de tokyo ravens assez badass avec sa canne et sa jambe de bois, d'ailleurs Tokyo Ravens très bon anime je le conseille, tu peux peut être t'en inspiré ou alors avoir une idée avec ça.)

Sokchev
SokchevLv3
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