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Review Detail of kakigori in [Down for Maintenance]

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kakigori
kakigoriLv23yrkakigori

Let me preface this by saying that I absolutely a d o r e your setting. Theology and biblical history are some of my favourite things to read about (cough cough His Dark Materials) and your synopsis alone just hits all the right spots. It is a pretty niche topic, though. You've done it proud. I won't pretend that I'm an expert on matters like this - I mainly dabble in other pantheons and ancient civilisations, so I'm out of my depth when it comes to Canaan (Levant?). That being said, I'll treat the setting without its biblical connotations and pretend everything is fully original unless stated otherwise. The first chapter gives me major Hunger Games vibes for some reason. When Lev talks about receiving a Blessing so his family can get the money they need, it's like how the kids in District 12 had to sign up for tesserae to get more food. of course, it's different in that these kids aren't being forced to go into an arena and butcher each other, but I just wanted to bring that up. Tangents aside, I love the dialogue. It's normally my go-to indicator when I judge what makes a story good and what doesn't - in my opinion, dialogue fleshes out characters in a natural way. Provided, of course, that said dialogue is natural in and of itself. There are times when it comes off as a tad expository, but in the end, it all flows very well and it feels like actual people are speaking. Especially the 'oy vey' at the end of chapter 2 - y'know, it just clicks. Even the steam vehicles. All in all, the exposition is handled very well. I'm not that bothered by the massive walls of text, honestly. It could do with some better paragraphing, but the explanations of the world around them do the job quite well. I would've preferred it if it was dialogue-ified, but I can't have everything. Amazing read, adding it to my library. great job, 10/10 would totes recommend except for stability of updates, but that'll probably change sometime in the near future.

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[Down for Maintenance]

lilGoat

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lilGoat
lilGoatAuthorlilGoat

Yup, Levant is exactly the area. There's a lot of rosewater in this story yet to come, haha.