Review Detail of RJMidnight in Unpublished-ToaPP

Your story is really good and the pacing is going well too. A good pace almost makes for a good story telling. The problem I have is that some of your paragraphs are long that it gets overwhelming. Long dialogue is fine cause the person is talking other than that, please break up the paragraphs a little. Other than that, you are doing a good job and your story is very interesting (this is coming from someone who dislikes female lead). Keep up the good work!