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Review Detail of Hua_Li_An in They Fall Apart

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Hua_Li_An
Hua_Li_AnLv33yrHua_Li_An

"They Fall Apart" starts out as a short murder mystery. In just one chapter, the three main characters are fleshed out well, and motives are quite clear. The author can effectively write shocking scenes very well. I am intrigued about how the story will continue from then on. ***Note to author*** First off, I can see you like mystery novels, and I have to say that I've desired to make one as well. Now on to some points you can think about before you continue writing this into a novel: 1. Mystery novels, especially murder mystery ones, should have at least more than 1 suspect. Here, aside from the MC (Joey) and Katie herself, only one other person could have done the murder. Why do I say that? Because he's the only character that was fleshed out well and had a real motive to do the murder. So, frankly, it wasn't so much a mystery anymore when he was the one who did it in the end. 2. Make sure to put more hints here and there. (I know there was the hint about the competition, but maybe adding more could be good). 3. What was with the pill? I can see there might be more to this story if it gets continued, so I do wanna know more if it does happen. That's it! Great job, and I do hope you continue writing it!

altalt

They Fall Apart

JustLikeWriting777

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JustLikeWriting777
JustLikeWriting777AuthorJustLikeWriting777

If I'm being honest, I was writing this for a short competition with word limitation only to 3k. So the other suspects I made had to be erased. But now that I'm writing this a book, I could have changed the story a bit but then I thought, I WANT you guys to know it's Will who did this. Because this book won't be all murder mystery. I guarantee :)

Hua_Li_An
Hua_Li_AnLv3Hua_Li_An

I sensed that too! (But, well, you know... The effect of the reveal can become so much more intense if there was a shock factor involved. It's just me though). I would say I'm still looking forward to how Will and Joey will face each other in the next chapters.

JustLikeWriting777:If I'm being honest, I was writing this for a short competition with word limitation only to 3k. So the other suspects I made had to be erased. But now that I'm writing this a book, I could have changed the story a bit but then I thought, I WANT you guys to know it's Will who did this. Because this book won't be all murder mystery. I guarantee :)