Review Detail of ValkyrBlack in Adapting to the Multiverse
Review detail
Listen I like the update stability and the writing is awesome but the reason for 3.2 is that the MC has chosen to be reborn as a slave. It has turned me off so bad I have no clue what to tell you. I loved the first 2 chapters but then he made himself a slave then agreed to help a society of slavery supporting females just by looking at his mother because she was hot or she said he will be trained to be strong. See the entire society of this species in Star Wars don’t even see this as wrong. The MC knows that some other NightBrothers were killed due to minor things by NightSisters so why isn’t he a nervous wreck. The MC also made a ‘great’ decision of having 4 arms and being super strong in the force as if he couldn’t stand out enough as a male in a society that enslaves them. Every single Sister will be out there to enslave him, f*ck him, torture him then kill him just for the opportunity to brag that she killed a mutated male slave. Every society has trash entitled brats at the top who can do anything with power, this is not different. He can’t do anything without his mother’s supervision the same mother who wants her son as a slave. No matter how much the word ‘Champion’ is used he is still a slave! See you can’t do anything about this society as it is cannon but unless there is a revolt against females of this cult or making the sisters have a taste of their own medicine I have no intention of coming back. I don’t know how he will leave because the cult head (who is obviously female and has probably killed every attempt of male revolt and tortured countless) will never let a male of that potential leave ever! Still you do you! Those who want to read about slave MC politics about him being a ‘champion’ read slave of some complete female family whose any member can kill or torture him and not suffer consequences because he is male, be my guest. This has made me rant so hard! Sorry for the rant but not for the review. Gg. Goodbye.
Adapting to the Multiverse
Adramelech
Liked by 17 people
LIKEReplies7
1. he doesn't want to be a slave. he just like's the race. that's it. 2.He doesn't chose to save the race of slavers because his mother is hot. he does it because not everyone is complete trash. Their society was built upon the forceful enslavement of the Nightbrothers so while he will be a slave for a short while, it wasn't because his mother wants him to. It's because it's inevitable that she looks for ways to give him an advantage and why he's planning to other better their coven if not world or just up and leave. Also, I've already put in a protection period for our mc and he'll still be a child so there is no way anyone is going to r*pe him. 3. this is a fanfic it DOES NOT have to follow canon 4. If you bothered to read the rest of what's already published you'd realized he's coming up with plans to change the way people live on this planet by helping someone else, that's empathetic to the Nightbrothers' plight, end up as the Matriarch/Mother of the coven. 5. The Nightsisters wouldn't just torture someone and kill someone for no reason. It is mainly done as tests of loyalty or getting rid of those they deem too weak and therefor are useless to them. 6. There have been multiple males leaving the planet. Ex. Savage and Maul 7. Once again if you had bothered to continue reading you would've saw that I mentioned that he's in a different coven than Mother Talzin's, so I have the free will to write their development however I want cause again IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE CANON!
7. Once again if you had bothered to continue reading you would've seen that I mention that he is not part of Mother Talzin's coven and so I am free to write and control how they develop as IT DOES NOT HAVe TO BE CANON! Not hating on your review. I'm actually glad you brought up these topics so that I can explain this out for other people.
Adramelech:1. he doesn't want to be a slave. he just like's the race. that's it. 2.He doesn't chose to save the race of slavers because his mother is hot. he does it because not everyone is complete trash. Their society was built upon the forceful enslavement of the Nightbrothers so while he will be a slave for a short while, it wasn't because his mother wants him to. It's because it's inevitable that she looks for ways to give him an advantage and why he's planning to other better their coven if not world or just up and leave. Also, I've already put in a protection period for our mc and he'll still be a child so there is no way anyone is going to r*pe him. 3. this is a fanfic it DOES NOT have to follow canon 4. If you bothered to read the rest of what's already published you'd realized he's coming up with plans to change the way people live on this planet by helping someone else, that's empathetic to the Nightbrothers' plight, end up as the Matriarch/Mother of the coven. 5. The Nightsisters wouldn't just torture someone and kill someone for no reason. It is mainly done as tests of loyalty or getting rid of those they deem too weak and therefor are useless to them. 6. There have been multiple males leaving the planet. Ex. Savage and Maul 7. Once again if you had bothered to continue reading you would've saw that I mentioned that he's in a different coven than Mother Talzin's, so I have the free will to write their development however I want cause again IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE CANON!
Hey, didn’t you say that other NightBrothers were killed because of minor things. If he didn’t want to be a slave then why did he take the race which would enslave him if he was born a male. Then again he hasn’t had any nervous breakdowns or moments of anxiety or hating that he is a slave just because he is male. He is living like a normal kid which should not be possible in a slave society. He said he might save some NightSisters when he was born because his mothers first two things said to him was shame he was born a male and he will bathe in blood of his enemies. Well thank god for that protection period because that would probably happen if it was real life. Agreed fanfics don’t have to follow cannon. Why do you presume that I not read the fanfic till the end before reviewing. I have read it till the latest chapters. Changing the planet won’t happen till he is 20 or somethingand not without serious slaughter of NightSisters as people in power would not give up power. And by then he would have serious scars as he would be enslaved to a slaver family for a long period. If the NightSisters can KILL any NightBrother for minor things like you said in a chapter, then torture is 100% possible. Even if this is a fanfic so realistic things have to be present otherwise it goes in the trash wish fullfillment type. If tests of loyalty is allowed to check loyalty or thise too weak them the scum can just put torture up as ‘TESTS’. Well yeah but Maul and Savage probably were indoctrinated as they were raised by slavers and their loyalty was without questioned as they were raised to it. Again, I had read till the latest chapters and in each chapter it was about being a ‘champion’ see slave of some family. Sure, it doesn’t have to be cannon and I support that but some realism is necessary especially if you start in such a grim dark background. (If being born in slavery isn’t grimdark then I don’t know what to say) Again read till the LATEST CHAPTER! Listen no need to be super defensive (some is fine as it is your fic) but it just paints an unreal picture. Again your writing and update stability is good but this is just bad FOR ME. I gave my opinion on it. You want to take it, fine. If you don’t want to, fine. I might read this again when it has a bunch of chapters and he has escaped or saved his race.
I'll be honest with you author, Writing Sci fi Stories is very VERY hard. I hope you know how write Sad stories for Character development. You could ask for one of my examples, I wouldn't mind letting you read one of my unpublished stories. Just don't steal it. You could read it to gain experience though.
Adramelech:1. he doesn't want to be a slave. he just like's the race. that's it. 2.He doesn't chose to save the race of slavers because his mother is hot. he does it because not everyone is complete trash. Their society was built upon the forceful enslavement of the Nightbrothers so while he will be a slave for a short while, it wasn't because his mother wants him to. It's because it's inevitable that she looks for ways to give him an advantage and why he's planning to other better their coven if not world or just up and leave. Also, I've already put in a protection period for our mc and he'll still be a child so there is no way anyone is going to r*pe him. 3. this is a fanfic it DOES NOT have to follow canon 4. If you bothered to read the rest of what's already published you'd realized he's coming up with plans to change the way people live on this planet by helping someone else, that's empathetic to the Nightbrothers' plight, end up as the Matriarch/Mother of the coven. 5. The Nightsisters wouldn't just torture someone and kill someone for no reason. It is mainly done as tests of loyalty or getting rid of those they deem too weak and therefor are useless to them. 6. There have been multiple males leaving the planet. Ex. Savage and Maul 7. Once again if you had bothered to continue reading you would've saw that I mentioned that he's in a different coven than Mother Talzin's, so I have the free will to write their development however I want cause again IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE CANON!
I'll be honest with you author, Writing Sci fi Stories is very VERY hard. I hope you know how write Sad stories for Character development. You could ask for one of my examples, I wouldn't mind letting you read one of my unpublished stories. Just don't steal it. You could read it to gain experience though.
Adramelech:1. he doesn't want to be a slave. he just like's the race. that's it. 2.He doesn't chose to save the race of slavers because his mother is hot. he does it because not everyone is complete trash. Their society was built upon the forceful enslavement of the Nightbrothers so while he will be a slave for a short while, it wasn't because his mother wants him to. It's because it's inevitable that she looks for ways to give him an advantage and why he's planning to other better their coven if not world or just up and leave. Also, I've already put in a protection period for our mc and he'll still be a child so there is no way anyone is going to r*pe him. 3. this is a fanfic it DOES NOT have to follow canon 4. If you bothered to read the rest of what's already published you'd realized he's coming up with plans to change the way people live on this planet by helping someone else, that's empathetic to the Nightbrothers' plight, end up as the Matriarch/Mother of the coven. 5. The Nightsisters wouldn't just torture someone and kill someone for no reason. It is mainly done as tests of loyalty or getting rid of those they deem too weak and therefor are useless to them. 6. There have been multiple males leaving the planet. Ex. Savage and Maul 7. Once again if you had bothered to continue reading you would've saw that I mentioned that he's in a different coven than Mother Talzin's, so I have the free will to write their development however I want cause again IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE CANON!
Demiurge_Ohara:I'll be honest with you author, Writing Sci fi Stories is very VERY hard. I hope you know how write Sad stories for Character development. You could ask for one of my examples, I wouldn't mind letting you read one of my unpublished stories. Just don't steal it. You could read it to gain experience though.
1. technically any fiction, by definition, is unreal. 2. like I said before, the reason he decided to try to save some nightsisters is because the way his mother showed concern for him, a nightbrother, proved that not everyone on the planet is straight trash. gotta take it with a grain of salt, otherwise that stereotyping or racist, one of the two. 3. while nightsisters can kill a nightbrother for minor things, I'm not having the mc interact with them yet and as this is an original coven and not the canon nightsister coven of Mother Talzin, I can develope the coven anyway I want, and I choose to have this coven be more understanding and the extremists are mainly in Mother Talzin's coven. 4. As for leaving the planet, he could do it at anytime, from sneaking aboard a smuggler ship as a stowaway, getting hired as a guard when he's in his teens, or high jacking a ship when necessary. 5. Also I've said it before, the reason I chose the race is cause I like the race, it'll give the mc access to the power that the nightsisters use. the only reason he hasn't already done so is because he's waiting till he's away from the nightsisters when he obtains it, as they would be able to detect the magic on him. So he'll have to wait until he has a valid reason why his body will contain their magic and will have to hide the fact he can cast spells when in front of them. 6. And yes he's a member of a slave race and yes they mention champion a lot, but champion is just a means to an end and a way to have a better life while he's still there. And it's also a prerequisite to becoming a behemoth. There's no way to become a Dathomirian Behemoth when you're not a champion, as you'll need a family of nightsisters to cast the spell and he needs that spell to be cast on him in order to have a plausible excuse for the earlier reasons.
ValkyrBlack:Hey, didn’t you say that other NightBrothers were killed because of minor things. If he didn’t want to be a slave then why did he take the race which would enslave him if he was born a male. Then again he hasn’t had any nervous breakdowns or moments of anxiety or hating that he is a slave just because he is male. He is living like a normal kid which should not be possible in a slave society. He said he might save some NightSisters when he was born because his mothers first two things said to him was shame he was born a male and he will bathe in blood of his enemies. Well thank god for that protection period because that would probably happen if it was real life. Agreed fanfics don’t have to follow cannon. Why do you presume that I not read the fanfic till the end before reviewing. I have read it till the latest chapters. Changing the planet won’t happen till he is 20 or somethingand not without serious slaughter of NightSisters as people in power would not give up power. And by then he would have serious scars as he would be enslaved to a slaver family for a long period. If the NightSisters can KILL any NightBrother for minor things like you said in a chapter, then torture is 100% possible. Even if this is a fanfic so realistic things have to be present otherwise it goes in the trash wish fullfillment type. If tests of loyalty is allowed to check loyalty or thise too weak them the scum can just put torture up as ‘TESTS’. Well yeah but Maul and Savage probably were indoctrinated as they were raised by slavers and their loyalty was without questioned as they were raised to it. Again, I had read till the latest chapters and in each chapter it was about being a ‘champion’ see slave of some family. Sure, it doesn’t have to be cannon and I support that but some realism is necessary especially if you start in such a grim dark background. (If being born in slavery isn’t grimdark then I don’t know what to say) Again read till the LATEST CHAPTER! Listen no need to be super defensive (some is fine as it is your fic) but it just paints an unreal picture. Again your writing and update stability is good but this is just bad FOR ME. I gave my opinion on it. You want to take it, fine. If you don’t want to, fine. I might read this again when it has a bunch of chapters and he has escaped or saved his race.