Review Detail of LinYang in Holy World

This story is really quite good. Your writing quality is very good, with few grammatical mistakes. I like how clearly you explain things. I also like how the plot is moving forward. A couple notes for you, author: -Careful of commas. A couple of places I noticed that you can add commas, such as after a "hey" or other phrases that ought to be separated from the rest of the sentence. -Careful also of punctuation and capitalization of dialogue tags. For example, "I really like cherry pie." She said. vs. "I really like cherry pie," she said. Use commas after dialogue and lowercase unless it is a name. -Use less emotional adverbs, such as "confusedly" or "happily". Replace these with showing or description. This will improve your prose and the flow of your sentences. Other than this, great job! Keep on writing!