Review Detail of Roktah in Naruto: New life

this novel has the right makings to be absolute trash. your writing leaves a lot to be desired. for food naruto can ask the hokage to go shopping with him once a week. the kurama brainwashing thing, well good luck in trying to "brainwash" a multiple thousand year old entity that happens to be a fox demon who are known to be cunning.just make kurama female from the get go and dont pull any crap out of your ass to succeed in brainwashing her. pay more attention to the small things. you say he does things but not how, you dont describe the scenes properly. you say he stole food bc they overcharged him but it reads like a diary entry. describe the scene how naruto walks into a store only to get kikcked out or overcharged, the mental monologue in which he decides if he gets kicked out and beaten anyway then he might as well steal his food, him getting chased through the streets while stuffing himself with the stolen food, getting cought and beaten ect. pay more attention to yout grammar, the typos. *grow**grow*? what is that? is he physically growing right now *growl**growl* ok he must be hungry. pay more attention to detail. naruto's personality is a mess. i have no grip in what personality he has. i think you are going for some kind of anti hero or something. you could have used the food situation to develop his character into a certain direction. he gets kicked out of every store, goes hungry for a couple days until he makes the decision to steal food and ensure his survival, this was a golden oppotunity to turn a normal person into someone that did what needed to be done to survive(stealing, robbing even murder when he is attacked by civillian can be explained when he lives by the "rules of the jungle" for a couple months) i'll stop here right now, trying not to rant. keep in mind this is only one chapter and its this bad already. don't believe in the 5 star comments they just want you to keep going to get to a smut scene. rating: 2.0 except for update stability which i dont know at 15 chapters everything else needs loads of work