Review Detail of tuba_san in DOMINUS ETERNAL
Review detail
The plot is interesting in the sense that its a revenge based story but the person taking the revenge isn't the victim or a relative of the victim, rather a stranger who acquired the treasure of a supreme being. To collect all of the treasures left behind by the supreme behind, MC, along with his children (?), is travelling to different places and wrecking havock. But there are hidden forces at work trying to stop him. It's quite interesting that the story is a mix of cultivation and western fantasy. There are dragons but there is also spiritual cores. I've never seen the two in the same story before. So good job author on coming up with such a unique setting. MCs ability to alter time is very cool. I also wish I had such an ability so I could avoid bad situations. What I find to be an issue is the pacing: everything is too fast for me. For example MC sees the vision of the supreme creature's demise and informs his children (?) about it. And then there is no real explanation given before they have suddenly gone out to cause trouble on Earth (?). I felt very confused about what's going on at several points in the story. In chapter 3 we are suddenly sent to the past without any build up as to why we are being shown this. Turns out it was a flashback on how the MC bonded with a dragon, but that really wasn't the right place to have the flashback in my opinion. It's up to the author how they develop their story but with the way it's written, I was confused at many points. Usually an author tries to leave the reader guessing and thats a good thing, but if the reader is overwhelmed by even basic questions then the reading experience can be bad. I'm not saying the author should change the story entirely, just that they should go back and build things up in a more slow fashion. Personally I would start with the story with how the Morgols met the dragon (that is given from chapter 3-6 currently) and then I will go on to show that MC grows up and acquires the memory of the supreme creature. That's how I would do it and I won't say it's the only correct way to do it. Therefore the author should keep the order of events the same and just add more explanation where it is necessary. A few of the characters were mentioned near the start of the story. But all I know about them is their names, I'm not sure how they are related to each other or anything else about them. The author tried to give an idea indirectly through the dialogue about their relationship with the MC. Some of this was picked up by me but the rest I wasn't able to catch up on cause it was too confusing for me. This might just be a me issue though. As the story progresses there are obvious issues with the grammar and general writing. Initially these issues were just overlooked mistakes like uncapitalized words, a few typos and areas with missing punctuations. But eventually the sentences also sort of got really messy. If the author reviews the chapters one by one then these issues can be resolved. (Especially chapter 2) I think the author should write shorter chapters cause it's easy to miss out on mistakes in a longer chapter. Overall: I just want to say that dear author you've come up with a very good plot and setting. Don't give up on this project and keep working hard!
DOMINUS ETERNAL
radashta
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Thanks for the review! I will explain certain things because you clearly didn’t understand the premise of the story maybe it’s my beginner skill in writing at fault. It's not a revenge based story and the main character doesn’t even care about revenge that much, it’s the creature on his side that existed for revenge and tried to force the main character to tread the path of revenge, but that attempt backfired on the creature. The main character was the manifestation of the purest evil from birth, so he receives the ability to see the future, not alter time. Since he can see the future he can shape it as he wants and that's why he always wreaks havoc, but all that is irrelevant because he does that to curb his evil nature that wants to destroy, in reality, nothing of that sort is happening, it’s the ability that lets him go on a carnage without consequences, but instead of carnage reality that takes shape is different. The flashback was shown because the mother of the main character thinks that his son is omnipotent and omniscient!! from her son's actions she deduced that things were so bad and uncontrollable for her son that he needed to take drastic measures that’s why she (herself) assumed that dominus had no idea about there past and his origin, so she decides to cut all loose ends and tells the creature to share it. And about those treasures, he expressed the desire to possess them not find them. I don’t know about what characters you are referring to because in the first chapter they all died and the others are his family members and I think that’s easy to understand the same surname, a pregnant woman and so on. I agree about grammar, have a hard time with punctuation, messy sentences are easier to resolve for me though than punctuations, my writing is improving so along with it everything else will improve eventually. I don’t think you read chapter 8 and onwards, but it’s ok, but I just don’t understand how you concluded it’s a revenge story.
Yes. I only read till chapter 8. Mainy because I was already pretty confused due to some of the things by that point and also because I already had so much I wanted to say that I did the review then. As I said in the review your setting and plot were very interesting for me (although I had misunderstood the plot. Based on your explanation I still think the plot is very good) I won't say that every reader will feel the same way as me. I came here to genuinely give this story a try and I felt the way I did. But a new reader might just be checking out the novel randomly, if they don't understand certain things they might give up instead of reading more or they might keep going, I can't say anything for certain (at least thats how I think the reader mentality is on here for original novels, most readers only join for translations or the top originals. Very few readers even pay attention to new original novels) Chapter 2 was the most confusing for me because I didn't understand what MC and his people were trying to do. And then suddenly chapter 3 was a flashback. I got pretty lost. But the flashback was long enough that I eventually understood what was happening. But even when I went back to read chapter 2 it didn't make much sense. Which is why I felt like everything was too rushed. Now that you have explained the MCs power I still think it's really cool. But I personally didn't pick up on that from reading the novel. Cause when I realized that he would just erase the situation as he pleased my mind immediately went to Doctor Strange and thats what I interpreted it as. As for the characters I did say it might be a me problem. They were introduced in chapter 1 and most of it was during the conversation they were having. I was got a bit confused there. Especially when the names came up in chapter 2 and I wasn't able to identify those people. The names mentioned in the flashback were made very clear overtime so I was able to know who was who. But when we came back to the present I once again had no idea who the people being mentioned were. (Except for Dom, Maria and the dragon: their names I got completely) Thanks for explaining these things to me, it's very helpful to understand more about them as a reader who got confused.
radashta:Thanks for the review! I will explain certain things because you clearly didn’t understand the premise of the story maybe it’s my beginner skill in writing at fault. It's not a revenge based story and the main character doesn’t even care about revenge that much, it’s the creature on his side that existed for revenge and tried to force the main character to tread the path of revenge, but that attempt backfired on the creature. The main character was the manifestation of the purest evil from birth, so he receives the ability to see the future, not alter time. Since he can see the future he can shape it as he wants and that's why he always wreaks havoc, but all that is irrelevant because he does that to curb his evil nature that wants to destroy, in reality, nothing of that sort is happening, it’s the ability that lets him go on a carnage without consequences, but instead of carnage reality that takes shape is different. The flashback was shown because the mother of the main character thinks that his son is omnipotent and omniscient!! from her son's actions she deduced that things were so bad and uncontrollable for her son that he needed to take drastic measures that’s why she (herself) assumed that dominus had no idea about there past and his origin, so she decides to cut all loose ends and tells the creature to share it. And about those treasures, he expressed the desire to possess them not find them. I don’t know about what characters you are referring to because in the first chapter they all died and the others are his family members and I think that’s easy to understand the same surname, a pregnant woman and so on. I agree about grammar, have a hard time with punctuation, messy sentences are easier to resolve for me though than punctuations, my writing is improving so along with it everything else will improve eventually. I don’t think you read chapter 8 and onwards, but it’s ok, but I just don’t understand how you concluded it’s a revenge story.
Yes. I only read till chapter 8. Mainy because I was already pretty confused due to some of the things by that point and also because I already had so much I wanted to say that I did the review then. As I said in the review your setting and plot were very interesting for me (although I had misunderstood the plot. Based on your explanation I still think the plot is very good) I won't say that every reader will feel the same way as me. I came here to genuinely give this story a try and I felt the way I did. But a new reader might just be checking out the novel randomly, if they don't understand certain things they might give up instead of reading more or they might keep going, I can't say anything for certain (at least thats how I think the reader mentality is on here for original novels, most readers only join for translations or the top originals. Very few readers even pay attention to new original novels) Chapter 2 was the most confusing for me because I didn't understand what MC and his people were trying to do. And then suddenly chapter 3 was a flashback. I got pretty lost. But the flashback was long enough that I eventually understood what was happening. But even when I went back to read chapter 2 it didn't make much sense. Which is why I felt like everything was too rushed. Now that you have explained the MCs power I still think it's really cool. But I personally didn't pick up on that from reading the novel. Cause when I realized that he would just erase the situation as he pleased my mind immediately went to Doctor Strange and thats what I interpreted it as. As for the characters I did say it might be a me problem. They were introduced in chapter 1 and most of it was during the conversation they were having. I was got a bit confused there. Especially when the names came up in chapter 2 and I wasn't able to identify those people. The names mentioned in the flashback were made very clear overtime so I was able to know who was who. But when we came back to the present I once again had no idea who the people being mentioned were. (Except for Dom, Maria and the dragon: their names I got completely) Thanks for explaining these things to me, it's very helpful to understand more about them as a reader who got confused.
radashta:Thanks for the review! I will explain certain things because you clearly didn’t understand the premise of the story maybe it’s my beginner skill in writing at fault. It's not a revenge based story and the main character doesn’t even care about revenge that much, it’s the creature on his side that existed for revenge and tried to force the main character to tread the path of revenge, but that attempt backfired on the creature. The main character was the manifestation of the purest evil from birth, so he receives the ability to see the future, not alter time. Since he can see the future he can shape it as he wants and that's why he always wreaks havoc, but all that is irrelevant because he does that to curb his evil nature that wants to destroy, in reality, nothing of that sort is happening, it’s the ability that lets him go on a carnage without consequences, but instead of carnage reality that takes shape is different. The flashback was shown because the mother of the main character thinks that his son is omnipotent and omniscient!! from her son's actions she deduced that things were so bad and uncontrollable for her son that he needed to take drastic measures that’s why she (herself) assumed that dominus had no idea about there past and his origin, so she decides to cut all loose ends and tells the creature to share it. And about those treasures, he expressed the desire to possess them not find them. I don’t know about what characters you are referring to because in the first chapter they all died and the others are his family members and I think that’s easy to understand the same surname, a pregnant woman and so on. I agree about grammar, have a hard time with punctuation, messy sentences are easier to resolve for me though than punctuations, my writing is improving so along with it everything else will improve eventually. I don’t think you read chapter 8 and onwards, but it’s ok, but I just don’t understand how you concluded it’s a revenge story.
I got how you saw things improvements can be made thanks. In the second chapter, I explained his ability this way: every time dominus wanted something to become real it would become real. he could choose whatever reality he wanted, for example: if dominus was twelve years old he could see endless possibilities until the age of twenty-two, experience trillions of variations and choose the one which he wanted to follow, he could choose to stop at any timeframe at any moment and everything would go as he desired, there would be no surprises, sudden interferences or anything at all!! Nothing could step in his way. Like this dominus reached the age of twenty-five, so if there was a meteor that was going to fall on earth ten years later, dominus would have time to prepare ten years earlier. Yes, doctor stranges ability is kinda similar just with limitations and Dormammu got aware that he was looped and even in that scene many things can be found flawed, but as long as it's fun we enjoy it. we close our eyes about many things. Also, does the lack of capitalization bother people that much or you guys just notice, should I absolutely fix it or it's not that bothersome?
It bothers me a lot. I can't say for sure about other people's opinions though. Even if you don't capitalize the sentences/dialogue, I think you should at least capitalize the names. Again this might not bother other people but that's how I feel about it.
radashta:I got how you saw things improvements can be made thanks. In the second chapter, I explained his ability this way: every time dominus wanted something to become real it would become real. he could choose whatever reality he wanted, for example: if dominus was twelve years old he could see endless possibilities until the age of twenty-two, experience trillions of variations and choose the one which he wanted to follow, he could choose to stop at any timeframe at any moment and everything would go as he desired, there would be no surprises, sudden interferences or anything at all!! Nothing could step in his way. Like this dominus reached the age of twenty-five, so if there was a meteor that was going to fall on earth ten years later, dominus would have time to prepare ten years earlier. Yes, doctor stranges ability is kinda similar just with limitations and Dormammu got aware that he was looped and even in that scene many things can be found flawed, but as long as it's fun we enjoy it. we close our eyes about many things. Also, does the lack of capitalization bother people that much or you guys just notice, should I absolutely fix it or it's not that bothersome?
It bothers me a lot. I can't say for sure about other people's opinions though. Even if you don't capitalize the sentences/dialogue, I think you should at least capitalize the names. Again this might not bother other people but that's how I feel about it.
radashta:I got how you saw things improvements can be made thanks. In the second chapter, I explained his ability this way: every time dominus wanted something to become real it would become real. he could choose whatever reality he wanted, for example: if dominus was twelve years old he could see endless possibilities until the age of twenty-two, experience trillions of variations and choose the one which he wanted to follow, he could choose to stop at any timeframe at any moment and everything would go as he desired, there would be no surprises, sudden interferences or anything at all!! Nothing could step in his way. Like this dominus reached the age of twenty-five, so if there was a meteor that was going to fall on earth ten years later, dominus would have time to prepare ten years earlier. Yes, doctor stranges ability is kinda similar just with limitations and Dormammu got aware that he was looped and even in that scene many things can be found flawed, but as long as it's fun we enjoy it. we close our eyes about many things. Also, does the lack of capitalization bother people that much or you guys just notice, should I absolutely fix it or it's not that bothersome?