Review Detail of Uterus in Marvel's Mutant Gamer (Being rewritten)
Review detail
A horribly written first-person story. Writing Quality: 2/5 It left nothing to be desired. The story is written like we're on the MC minds. Constants ramblings and random thoughts appeared out of nowhere some of them basically gave no relevance to the story. The author gave information about some characters that probably will have a minor role. While he gave some information about the characters, he forgot to gave crucial information to certain things (continued on the world background). Some words are misspelled, which ruins your immersion. Mind you this is a first-person story. A point of view that is synonymous with self-inserts where immersion is an important factor. The grammar is well enough, that I don't have a brain freeze while reading it. Updates: 5/5 nothing to say. Story: 3 So far, there's nothing going on yet. MC's ambition vaguely described. As of writing this, MC literally cause chaos without any total reason. The build-up of the next probable events is meh. We know that he will be confronted by the mutants. But the way it was made. It's just... I don't know. Basically, the latest chapter intervenes the fight the X-Men and the Brotherhood of Mutants. Mind you for no reason at all. There are multiple possibilities on how the author could handle this. Kurt (Nightcrawler) could watch the MC due to Kurt thought the MC was a robot. Then he combines clues together regarding the weird behavior of the MC. Remember! The MC is only Kurt's friend. That reason is enough for someone to be curious to investigate the MC. Galactus is already mentioned in the story, everyone knew omnipotent beings and aliens exists. Even if the mc wants to cause some chaos. He could just do it once and then leave. Character: 3 Pretty much the MC is mentally retarded or autistic. Or both. Or mentally unstable. That much is to say. A teenager won't act like that. Discovering that your body works like a game? He pierced his body. PIERCED. NOT STAB OR CUT. PIERCE. A KNIFE GOES THROUGH HIS HAND. A normal teenager won't do that unless they have a special 'past'. If he cut his hand it would be understandable. Some of his actions are incomprehensible or illogical. Of course, you could just have it off teenager 'things'. One of his actions that are absolutely dumb. MC uses a skill on a tree in a public space. We don't know where he uses it because the author didn't describe the place. There are no mentions regarding his family or backstory. We only know his grandma. Even then we don't know his relation. The author just assumes we know everything. Probably going to pull a surprise regarding MC background. Family is one of the most to build someone's personality. You can't just make an edge lord with a happy loving family. A past that is fully described would clarify the MC personality greatly. The side characters aren't explored yet. I don't have a hope the author would develop the character greatly. Then again the author described side characters with details. Which I would guess from the wiki. But the characters most likely have personality and won't be developed. Some problems I have regarding Jean and Scott's relationship are that the author could be explained why she is mad at Scott. Since Jean is probably a candidate for the female lead. World background: 2 The author just assume we know everything. It's fine if you don't describe the world really detailed. But places that have high importance has none. The school that the MC attends literally just being described as a school. No names, buildings shape, and so on. It has characters that are important in the Marvel world. Literally, some of the X-Men are there and the Brotherhood of Mutants too. Also Kamar-Taj, another major point of the story, that isn't described. Places such as ID or Instant Dungeon could also be described vaguely. A story that you read on from the perspective of the protagonist without any details is simply mind-boggling to read. Stop assuming your readers know everything.
Marvel's Mutant Gamer (Being rewritten)
fallingstar
Liked by 43 people
LIKEReplies11
Honestly, you're not wrong. This isn't a good story. I started it on a complete whim. I had read all the stories I follow, I'm in quarantine, and I'm bored as ****. It's not that detailed because I never intended to write more than 5-6 chapters. There was just an influx of readers, and I figured I could at least try write a bit more. But you seemed to have miss a few things. Like his family, in the first chapter I mentioned his mother died during childbirth and his father was a drunk that killed himself. The tree was in a nearby park. The school wasn't named because I had no idea what to call it. His grandma, again I have no idea what to name her. I mean, I straight up called him William Williamson just because William was the first name I thought of and couldn't bother to think of a surname. Other things, well, I didn't want to waste time describing stuff, when inevitably, I got bored and stopped writing. Again, I never intended to make more than 5-6 chapters. Lastly, this is a story on the fanfiction part of Webnovel, and I'm not even an author. I'm not a creator, I'm a consumer. I'm not sure what you were expecting. This was made for shits and giggles. It was never meant to be liked.
My bad for missing out on the family background. Still, your writing style is decent enough to be different than others. The use of accents is surprising from this website. If you're interested in writing I suggest, to plan the next few plots. It will polish the story and make the plot more understandable. Add a few details. Search specific vocabulary on their meaning. If it misused it will confuse the readers. Then again I'm sorry for being this critical on a wish-fulfillment story. Though I'm in a quite good mood while writing it. Anyway, good luck with your story.
fallingstar:Honestly, you're not wrong. This isn't a good story. I started it on a complete whim. I had read all the stories I follow, I'm in quarantine, and I'm bored as ****. It's not that detailed because I never intended to write more than 5-6 chapters. There was just an influx of readers, and I figured I could at least try write a bit more. But you seemed to have miss a few things. Like his family, in the first chapter I mentioned his mother died during childbirth and his father was a drunk that killed himself. The tree was in a nearby park. The school wasn't named because I had no idea what to call it. His grandma, again I have no idea what to name her. I mean, I straight up called him William Williamson just because William was the first name I thought of and couldn't bother to think of a surname. Other things, well, I didn't want to waste time describing stuff, when inevitably, I got bored and stopped writing. Again, I never intended to make more than 5-6 chapters. Lastly, this is a story on the fanfiction part of Webnovel, and I'm not even an author. I'm not a creator, I'm a consumer. I'm not sure what you were expecting. This was made for shits and giggles. It was never meant to be liked.
Nah, man, you don't need to apologize. It's not like you said something that wasn't true, and look it your review, you put in so much work in writing it. I don't know if I should be happy that you think my writing style is decent, when I essentially just smash my forehead on the keyboard and hope autocorrect fixes it into something readable. Or sad that I disappointed you so much, I mean, you've had to have some kind of expectations if you ended up putting so much work in this. And, well, this doesn't matter, but I'm already ranting, so I might as well go through it. I don't really see this as wish-fulfillment since I can't really see myself as the MC. He is supposed to be this goofy, optimistic guy that likes to have fun. Me? I'm the opposite, a pessimist, an asshole that has forgotten how to have fun at this point. Maybe it actually is wish-fulfillment in that sense. Me wanting to be a happy-go-lucky guy, but ending up as a negative asshole. Okay, this is getting too deep, so I will stop there. Anyway, thanks for the advice.
Uterus:My bad for missing out on the family background. Still, your writing style is decent enough to be different than others. The use of accents is surprising from this website. If you're interested in writing I suggest, to plan the next few plots. It will polish the story and make the plot more understandable. Add a few details. Search specific vocabulary on their meaning. If it misused it will confuse the readers. Then again I'm sorry for being this critical on a wish-fulfillment story. Though I'm in a quite good mood while writing it. Anyway, good luck with your story.
fallingstar:Nah, man, you don't need to apologize. It's not like you said something that wasn't true, and look it your review, you put in so much work in writing it. I don't know if I should be happy that you think my writing style is decent, when I essentially just smash my forehead on the keyboard and hope autocorrect fixes it into something readable. Or sad that I disappointed you so much, I mean, you've had to have some kind of expectations if you ended up putting so much work in this. And, well, this doesn't matter, but I'm already ranting, so I might as well go through it. I don't really see this as wish-fulfillment since I can't really see myself as the MC. He is supposed to be this goofy, optimistic guy that likes to have fun. Me? I'm the opposite, a pessimist, an asshole that has forgotten how to have fun at this point. Maybe it actually is wish-fulfillment in that sense. Me wanting to be a happy-go-lucky guy, but ending up as a negative asshole. Okay, this is getting too deep, so I will stop there. Anyway, thanks for the advice.
I won't comment about the details part, but holistically it's a great story. Fun to read and makes readers want more. What more do you want! Yes, a few inconsistencies with details and maybe the MC can't exactly be called an 'admirable character' but it all adds to the story's charm. It's realistic; the behaviour of most of the characters are as they should be in a modern, non-fictitious setup. And those who've actually read the manhwa will definitely have a fun ride. Managing a Marvel fic is difficult but, so far so good bro. No matter for what reason, you've written this from your heart, and that's why it's such a beautiful read. đđź
fallingstar:Nah, man, you don't need to apologize. It's not like you said something that wasn't true, and look it your review, you put in so much work in writing it. I don't know if I should be happy that you think my writing style is decent, when I essentially just smash my forehead on the keyboard and hope autocorrect fixes it into something readable. Or sad that I disappointed you so much, I mean, you've had to have some kind of expectations if you ended up putting so much work in this. And, well, this doesn't matter, but I'm already ranting, so I might as well go through it. I don't really see this as wish-fulfillment since I can't really see myself as the MC. He is supposed to be this goofy, optimistic guy that likes to have fun. Me? I'm the opposite, a pessimist, an asshole that has forgotten how to have fun at this point. Maybe it actually is wish-fulfillment in that sense. Me wanting to be a happy-go-lucky guy, but ending up as a negative asshole. Okay, this is getting too deep, so I will stop there. Anyway, thanks for the advice.
Redzeth:How is this trending as first place on the fanfic power rankings when the writer basicly admits he isnât planning to put much work into it. Is this some weird 50 cent army at work again?
What makes you think that this isn't a good story? It's great! The only thing is that the story is progressing too quickly and the MC's skills are developing very fast. I think it would be better if you just describe the efforts of MC in developing a particular skill
fallingstar:Honestly, you're not wrong. This isn't a good story. I started it on a complete whim. I had read all the stories I follow, I'm in quarantine, and I'm bored as ****. It's not that detailed because I never intended to write more than 5-6 chapters. There was just an influx of readers, and I figured I could at least try write a bit more. But you seemed to have miss a few things. Like his family, in the first chapter I mentioned his mother died during childbirth and his father was a drunk that killed himself. The tree was in a nearby park. The school wasn't named because I had no idea what to call it. His grandma, again I have no idea what to name her. I mean, I straight up called him William Williamson just because William was the first name I thought of and couldn't bother to think of a surname. Other things, well, I didn't want to waste time describing stuff, when inevitably, I got bored and stopped writing. Again, I never intended to make more than 5-6 chapters. Lastly, this is a story on the fanfiction part of Webnovel, and I'm not even an author. I'm not a creator, I'm a consumer. I'm not sure what you were expecting. This was made for shits and giggles. It was never meant to be liked.
I didn't read the story so I don't know how the mc behaves but I saw what you wrote about him maybe being autistic and then describing how he behaves a little and I would like to ask you not to use the word autistic for stupid people like him, it's just that I'm an autist and I got a bit hurt seeing people think autists are out right psycopaths like this mcđ