Review Detail of White_Falcon21 in Fleur-de-Lis

Writing Quality: (How many times I have been writing like this thing in other novels?) Please separate actual conversation and text. E.g: "I don't like..." F said then A nodded and said "I also..." Into F said that she doesn't like of...and A agreed with her. or F sighs, "I don't like..." "Me too..." A nodded. Somehow the conversation line in the novel make the novel is...kinda off from track? I ask thee, did you want to write Japanese-styled LN or novel? The concept of writing itself is important, even Japanese LN doesn't has too many conversation line in each of chapter. But the authors of Japanese LN often write like this: "Cast! Vortex!" (Zeke) "Heh!" (Audrey) (Which makes the LN is more confusing in translation and to read) Your novel gives off vibe of "Mirai Nikki" anime, but your novel has two yandere characters inside it (I think?). I won't criticize your grammar since both of us aren't a native english speaker, but at least...I suggest you to write: (Line) (Long Text) (Long Text/Line) Again So, you could save more space and writing more text! XD Also, you don't really need to write "Flashback" or "Flashback Ends" at every "past events" UNLESS you write an EPISODE-like chapter. But I can strongly suggest you not to use that too much otherwise your story would be "boring". Since it's a thriller, horror, and gore-type novel, You at least need to write and describe the "terrifying situations" the MC or dying sub-characters faced. Not explaining them via "conversation lines". For example, look like when you described Fleur ran from the hooded man, from her felt something off until blended in the crowd. When I was reading that, I can "felt" what if I was Fleur on that place. Stability of Updates: Every authors have their own problem that delay or prevent them from writing or uploading new chapters. Therefore, I won't criticize this. Story Development: Yeah, I understand it. Someone wants to make Fleur to become him only, by killing someone who tries to "hit" on her. It needs more detailing story flow, so the readers who aren't into "Romance" Novel can "following the flow" and "feel the same way". Character Design: I know and can imagine about Fleur and Axel's appearance, but how about Aisha and Colt? The readers need to "know" what kind of appearance the "main supportive characters" have. You can follow this formula: Physical Appearance, Character (Sorrowful, Envious, etc), and Life Background, so you can skip few sentences of phrases to describe them. You had understood this when you described about Fleur and Axel. So keep it up for other characters! World Background: SInce this story located on the modern city in modern era, I won't say anything. I will only make a review if someone writes a fantasy story. But, I suggest you to explain at least a little, the city where Fleur lives, as well as the environment (social or physical ones) around her. So, the readers can "diving" into your story more deeper. (Well, I know Fleur de Lis is Chevalier d'Eon's NP, XD) I hope you could fix your mistakes and make another good chapter! Be healthy and stay safe, since COVID-19 case in Philippines is rather high between countries in SEA. (Welp, don't get me wrong. I'm not a nitpicker. I just want someone's story who has a stable "footstep" become brighter than their originally are. I'm also love gore, yandere story like this) Sincerely, Dead/Lost Novel and Manga Writer.