Review Detail of funmaxwell in Dragon Ball H, Greater Days +18
Review detail
this story is bad. because it often skips details and conversations it should have flushed out like the conversation about how he's not Raditz with the z fighters. then there's the fact the main character doesn't seem to remember what a towel is or a hair dryer and the story never indicated that he lost his memories when he became Raditz. so he should know what those are. so the whole conversation with Bulma about what a hair dryer is feels like it was shoe horned in there to draw Bulma closer to the main character and try to get her used to the idea that the guy she's going to marry is going to have a harem. then there's the other elephant in the room every bad dragon Ball fanfic has to have a harem and Bulma has to be in it. which totally goes against her established character in the dragon Ball series. as her character is just too prideful to allow the guy she'd marry to have a harem and I'm pretty sure that's why she dumps yamcha. it's like come on and try to be a little more original as everyone picks fucking Bulma or don't do the harem altogether and just focus on making the story funny by throwing in some dragon Ballz bridged references and focus on the possible numerous future threats and the main character training up for it. As you could even throw in time patrol stuff. as technically Raditz wasn't supposed to survive that fight. or even include movie villains. if you're really set on doing the harem I would have had the main character go after Marin or Android 21 and zangya or towa. but no you have to be a fucking bad dragon Ball fanfic stereotype.
Dragon Ball H, Greater Days +18
RollenMajor
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funmaxwell:you decide that whether Android 21 will be in the store or not. I wasn't saying she would or wouldn't be in the story just that Android 21 is one of the other women you could have written her in as a love interest. as everyone who writes a dragon ball fic seems to go after Bulma and alter her character in a way that's unrealistic in a way that it conflicts with the established Canon character. which makes the rest of the story just feel awful.
The problem with this is that he didn’ forget. It’s just my use of how he portrays himself that makes it seem like he “forgot” it’ around the same reason as to why he has a multitude of mannerisms that he uses and the harem part isn’t really critiquing. It’s just a “well if it were me” type deal. And who says Android 21 will be in this storyline or not?
you decide that whether Android 21 will be in the store or not. I wasn't saying she would or wouldn't be in the story just that Android 21 is one of the other women you could have written her in as a love interest. as everyone who writes a dragon ball fic seems to go after Bulma and alter her character in a way that's unrealistic in a way that it conflicts with the established Canon character. which makes the rest of the story just feel awful.
RollenMajor:The problem with this is that he didn’ forget. It’s just my use of how he portrays himself that makes it seem like he “forgot” it’ around the same reason as to why he has a multitude of mannerisms that he uses and the harem part isn’t really critiquing. It’s just a “well if it were me” type deal. And who says Android 21 will be in this storyline or not?