You're a new author so I'll be polite because I went through this kind of mistakes in my past stories. I can say that the story is alright, the characters are okay and the world background is fine too but the grammars are bit not good. With no offense, I just that you improve your writing quality and proofread it. Still overall, it's good. And Author, keep up the good work! がんばって!
XXXXC
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