Review Detail of Shadowofdeat in Isabella's Magical Space
Review detail
I like the story and would love to read more, however, there needs to be work done on the grammar and character design. The story is good, overall. I don't know if this was the writer's intention or not but the MC is leaning heavily towards being a Mary-Sue. Which, while I don't mind it, it IS annoying that she knows there is trouble and literally WALKS IN AND BACK OUT OF IT WITHOUT PROBLEMS! Okay, the evil girl makes very clear signs about her plans but COME ON! Can't they at least be a bit more secretive and difficult to handle for the MC? Is that too much to ask? I also find it annoying how you write the male lead off as cold and distant in the beginning but the moment he meets her (love at first sight and whatnot) he is all over her and completely changes into a charming, happy man with barely a single sign that he is a germaphobe. Can you please write out his personality clearer? Is he a cold and distant man or a warm-hearted one? Also make sure the MC has FLAWS! The fact that she learns things without showing (or at least not to my knowledge) any trouble makes it hard to see her as a person and more as a robot that learns and quickly adapts to everything. How about you show some limits? Show that she's not an emotional robot that can quickly fit in with any problem (just like her best friend for that matter). Her best friend is also like that; any girl that was almost assaulted would be upset yet she laughs it off as a mere joke. BE. SERIOUS. Don't let them laugh off difficult life problems as if it's nothing. Losing your life can be traumatic (in my opinion) and being assaulted even more. Try to give more depth to the characters, give us more details about them. And for bloody he*l's sake don't turn every couple in a Love-at-first-sight romance. It's old and VERY unrealistic. Other than that, it's good. Try to work around those points and you'll do just fine. [img=recommend]
Isabella's Magical Space
Oppo_Red
Liked by 2 people
LIKEReplies2
Mainly the grammar is the problem and that there is not enough difficulty for mc. Every story has problems for an mc but hers are barely there. It’s fine that she stays calm in situations but the problems are never too much for her. How is life challenging for her when there is little to no problem? Don’t get me wrong, I love the story and all but I would like to see others helping her when she actually NEEDS it. Not just for building materials or their connections to the higher ups. In real life everybody asks for help at least once in their life. A moment when they are in over their head, but she doesn’t. For example: the mc can’t swim in normal situations you learn how to swim from others slowly but this mc gets someone to teach her and after observing their swimming style, tries it out and poof! She knows how to swim as if she has always been able to. There are no flaws or struggles, she just learns and masters it in one go. It’s THAT that I’m talking about. When a kid learns to read for the first time you don’t see them read an entire harry potter book out loud with no problems immediately afterwards. They struggle, they make mistakes, the mc doesn’t. Anyways I’m just giving advice, nothing more. It would be a lot more fun to read if she would be forced to rely on her hubby once in a while. It feels a bit as if he is sometimes pushed to the background.
Selida_Rayford:I think that the story is fine the way it is. I don't see what your problem with the story is .