Writing quality. hate the dialogue! Cant tell who the f*cks speaking. Author doesn't seem to know what speach marks are. (") use it! System messages are all caps, sometimes hanging the line. It's repulsive no matter how you look at it, I doubt someone past the age of ten wrote this story. Story development. Short chapters. System messages flood the page on each chapter, so there is a lot of writing, but not progression. Character design. Plain empty, where's the characters? World background. There is no background.

Its really really good, but it seems fast paced like really fast paced, if the scenes were explained in detail you'd have longer chapters and it would reel in more readers, food for thought 😉

I really enjoyed reading this short story. Sometimes you have some legendary ideas, but my opinion is that you started very well and you go down..

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

A fast paced story...so those who arent in face paced ones,don't read (excluding me)...good revenges,an MC who is loyal to his wife,no harem,overall it's good in my opinion.

La trama es buena, pero hay muchos problemas en la historia% 1. Va demasiado rapido, al principio pensé que era solo por llevar lo al presente pero Toda la historia parece contada de corriendo no se disfruta mucho 2. Se Dan muy pocos detalles de los personajes, de verdad por muchos capitulos no supe la edad del MC y las descripciones quizas Mas o menos de las características de los personajes 3. Si es r18 podria ser un poco Mas descriptivo y vivido 4. El aumento de poder es ridiculo, aunque si tomas el nombre del sistema tiene sentido, pero quizas como va tan rapido la historia parece un poco excesivo La historia es buena autor, esos puntos son cosas que he notado que podria mejorar para darle Mas Fuerza incluso puedes sacar Mas contenido solo alargando y detallando los capitulos, pero sigue asi la historia va buena 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.

Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.

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