Review Detail of SadPoortato529 in deleted222

Very well written, I'm captivated by the story right at the first chapter, love how you describe the background environment, but I'd love to see more "natural dialogues" if you will, maybe it's just my opinion but I'd love to see the characters be more "lively", at the first chapter it'd seem like they're just exchanging words and not having a heartful conversation, but that's just my thought, great work overall