Review Detail of mrmrcia in [Destinies] Drafts

What a beautiful sibling relationship that Fei and Damian has. Fei is such a tsundere, poor Damian, he has to listen to her hollering almost every day. I adore Damnia very much because, as I could pick up from the passages, he's quite the tolerant person. His patience is beyond te roof. Orelia is definitely the older sister type and Xander is the laidback chad in the group. As for the world itself, so far, the most prominent one is that guilds are prominent. Nothing about the indication of the beginning of the Zodiac age has been said. I'm excitedly waiting for it! I'm just guessing, but I think that Damian is like, the heir of the ruler of majins, somewhat. Maybe I'm wrong. eheth The pacing was just right, not too hasty nor slow. For the reason that you take your time in elucidating what's happening during the scene, and that's something that I appreciate a lot. Your passages flow just fine, though I think that you still have the skill to put more variation. Refrain from using a lot of elli**is (...). Its trailing effect lessens when it's used often. Also, the verb tenses are quite inconsistent and there are many that are incorrect. I noticed some misuse/absence of punctuation marks, leading to run-ons/comma splices. Please watch out for them. It's fascinating to see your improvement from the edited chapters to your old chapters. You're doing good, Leon! Overall, I'm anticipating the ensuing events regarding the onset of the Zodiac Age. I'm patiently awaiting for Damian to slay the Gods! You are a great writer more than what you take credit for. Please be confident. I'll be supporting you!