I was mesmerized from chapter one. The story follows a good pace, no boring delays or flashing skips of time, seasons and situations. Such can confuse the reader. I noticed some minor typos and grammar “errors” but they are skippable. The English level is high enough to see that these mistakes are not because of illiteracy. I am very sure that an editor or a proofreader would fix these, if the story gets promoted. I do think it has the potential to be trendy. There are some moments where I think Eric acts a bit childish, to be honest. In his choice of words but that can be also added to his age (19 was it). Per se, when he refuses to bow to no king or flat-out rejects the FL (I went ahead and titled her a female lead lol). In his reaction, it sounded a bit off and came out childish if we make a psychological assessment (I like to asses characters, okay?) For someone that powerful and brutal at times, he can waste less words. How to put it...You have narration, don’t forget that. He could have said, “I serve no one, cutie” (the cutie part being the sarcasm) and then you switch to narration to explain he would never bow or pledge loyalty to anyone. However, this is my personal view. You can ignore it. You are the story teller, not me! 😌 The world building is interesting and one can feel the creativity. Now and then I wouldn’t use real life means as it ruins the fantasy notch to it. Perse, ID cards or applying for one with paper work. Indeed, even in the Middle Ages there was administrative work but I feel that to enrich the story, you might want to completely create its own type of bureaucracy! Hmmm 🧐 Overall, the story is worth reading and should be continued on the writing part. Push through writing blocks and discouraging moments. I think that if you hit 50+ chapters, you might get a lot of attention that even WN might have to consider and promote you. 🥳 God luck!
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Thank you for the insightful review! Made me think about a lot of things and what i can improve on.
