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Review Detail of Dann_Giovanni in Into the Zombie World

Review detail

Dann_Giovanni
Dann_GiovanniLv13yrDann_Giovanni

Into the Zombie World is a book of fiction written by Neil_Ads. The story revolves around a man named Nile who sought to survive a zombie apocalypse after his untimely death by being bumped by a truck. The author uses present-tense. Well, it is a good story. Personally, what I love about the book is Nile's intelligence and the way he reacts to certain things. He thinks logically, making the right choice except for the store as he could've looted the first three houses instead of choosing the store. I love his plans and schemes to get rid off or defeat zombies. I think there is a mixture of futuristic technology since there is this so called system that displays certain things. I'm not used to reading these kind of novel mixtures. Anyway, the grammar and punctuation is definitely one thing the author must improve. Yes, it uses present-tense but because of this, it seems more like a guy telling actions rather than a describing and story-telling. He is walking, He is going, he is banging, things like that should be changed. Because of this, it lacks emotions and some elements of a horror novel. You could describe the zombies more rather than using Big, small, fat, or sharp teeth. I didn't feel any suspense except for the parts in which the dialogues weren't aplenty. I would like to suggest that you describe things like this: Example: His leg were trembling. Try going to the next level: His legs were noodles. Or to add more suspense and frightening elements, I would suggest: Example: The silence shrouded his mind. (Lacks emotions) "Once the quietness arrived, it stayed and spread in Estha. It reached out of his head and enfolded him in its swampy arms…sent its stealthy, suckered tentacles inching along the insides of his skull, hoovering the knolls and dells of his memory, dislodging old sentences, whisking them off the tip of his tongue." Something like that. Well, I hope this honest criticism helped out!

altalt

Into the Zombie World

Neil_Ads

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Replies6

Neil_Ads
Neil_AdsAuthorNeil_Ads

Thank you, this will certainly help a lot.

Neil_Ads
Neil_AdsAuthorNeil_Ads

Have you read till the latest chapter? I was thinking that I've improve a bit on the latest chapters. I don't know, it might just me overly thinking things.

Dann_Giovanni
Dann_GiovanniLv1Dann_Giovanni

Somewhere in between chapter 10-15.

Neil_Ads:Have you read till the latest chapter? I was thinking that I've improve a bit on the latest chapters. I don't know, it might just me overly thinking things.
Neil_Ads
Neil_AdsAuthorNeil_Ads

alright, I'm using a website that check basic errors, and chapters below 30 are the ones I haven't edited yet. I think because of that app, I've removed most of the errors. Your tip on describing the things more certainly help. For example, on chapter 60, previously it was 1200+ words but after I re edited it with you advise, the word count is now at 1600+ and I know it was better than the last verion. Thank you so much. You really help a lot.

Dann_Giovanni:Somewhere in between chapter 10-15.
Hollysummoapocaly
HollysummoapocalyLv5Hollysummoapocaly

Snu snu?

Hahalool
HahaloolLv13Hahalool

bruh