Review Detail of mrmrcia in I Can't Forget You, Why Don't You Remember Me?

I don't know what to think about Robin. I guess she's still flustered that she was suddenly reincarnated in the body of someone else. However, she adapted really quick, if I may say. I want her to give more effort in knowing her new life, instead of getting confused in every instances when she meets an "acquaintance". Her mom should stop putting her in a tight position by scheduling date arrangements without the young lady's knowing. On the other hand, Ryan is quite a playboy, from the feeling I get in his dialogues. I just want to suggest for you to create a sultry mood before going in with the "action (s)" scenes, to make them more luscious and erotic. There were some grammatical such as questionable word choices, incorrect verb tenses, and misuse/overuse/absence of punctuation marks which leads to run-ons/comma splices. These mistakes are easily proofread, so don't worry too much about. It doesn't affect your plot whatsoever, but when corrected they will make for a better transition. The pacing is a tad inconsistent? But maybe it's just my preference. Don't mind me. I pointed out these mistakes to show you that your work could look even more phenomenal. Rest assured that you're a good writer. I'll be cheering you on!