Review Detail of mrmrcia in Alive: Dream World (ON PAUSE)

Laurana is quite an innocent character, and it's charming that she adjusted quickly in the world. Withal, it's a tad frustrating that her behaviour suddenly flipped. I don't think it's a hidden side, since she didn't really show it when she awakened in this world. Perhaps it's because that the princes don't really have that much personality in their dialogues that I have a difficult time discerning them. I did read the auxiliary, but I was still confused by virtue of the lack of distinguishing factors. I ship Laurana with Theo though ᕦ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕤ, please make it happen ^^. I know that the fight scenes are not the focus of this story. However, there was hardly any proper narration on the actual progression. Usually, when narrating fight scenes, it's better to keep the sentences containing the movements brief. Also, refrain from using modifiers and unnecessary banter. Describe the limb, muscles, eye, weapons movements. You can also elaborate on the hardships that the characters are currently feeling. I feel like the onomatopoieas were just used to evade the actual narration of the fight. :< The issue that I'm most peeved about is the fact that you sometimes change POV in the middle of the chapters. I surmised that some should have been in single quotations. Furthermore, the mistakes regarding misuse/absence of the punctuation marks, leading to run-ons, were quite prominent. Also, there are some incorrect verb tenses. I appreciate that you're quite descriptive. Although, I would've liked it more if you utilize figures of speech, rather than using simple adjectives. An example for this is the "traditional clothing". We do not know this world that well. Thus, the extent of what the readers can imagine to be traditional is limited. This is a romance story, so I hope that you can convey the emotions that our FML is feeling to a level that the readers can relate with her. At this point, it's just me babbling. The dialogues and the scenes are very refreshing. However, I'm just trying to find the formality that should be embedded in the actions and parlance of the royals. Still, I adore the conversations that I just can't help but smile :> I also wish to know more about this other world. Its culture, history, and the people. Overall, the pacing is fine as it is. You merely need to put transitional actions in between some series of dialogues. Rest assured that your storytelling is wonderful! Be confident when I say that you're a good writer! I'll be supporting you since I'm a sucker for reincarnation stories >.> (I'm sorry for leaving such a bad review. Please don't hate me ;_; )