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DWArden45
DWArden45Lv54yr
2020-09-09 10:15

Writing quality is alright but needs an editor to make scenes transition better. Most of the time you don't realize a time skip has happened or where everyone is. Story development is okay. Nothing to write home about but it's tiresome to keep seeing every man with powers turn into a *** maniac. Character design is utter shit. The mc is a child prodigy yet does the most reckless things despite having an army behind him. Dude has been in too many life threatening situations that are due to his utter recklessness/stupidity. Updating stability is ok. World background is good. All in all I would read this if a decent editor reigned in the bad and spaced out the story. As it is now, it is bad.

A technomancer’s journey in an apocalyptic world

SagelyDaoist
3.5
202 Chs

Liked by 8 people

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Replies2
SagelyDaoist
SagelyDaoistAuthor

Thank you for your review, as for the MC I have tried to base on someone I know, he is brilliant in academics to the point genius as well as a good sports person but has the habit of making bad decisions in his life, not to mention he is reckless, as such my MC despite achieving so much will be flawed, and the reason that he is being attacked so much has a good reason behind it as well. As for people with power turning bad, well there bad and good, and unfortunately you have yet to encounter the good people in this story.

4yr
1
fegzzxc
fegzzxcLv13

Yeah but that is for yiur friend in modern day, here we are in Apocalypse world i don't think even the most reckless person can't know when to stop when he is a genious so here it's more like you just want to go iwth MC recklessness then add something to why he is like that. Better just say i want him like that for now and plan to arrange it later at least it will be more believable.

SagelyDaoist:Thank you for your review, as for the MC I have tried to base on someone I know, he is brilliant in academics to the point genius as well as a good sports person but has the habit of making bad decisions in his life, not to mention he is reckless, as such my MC despite achieving so much will be flawed, and the reason that he is being attacked so much has a good reason behind it as well. As for people with power turning bad, well there bad and good, and unfortunately you have yet to encounter the good people in this story.
3yr
Other Reviews
Brezer
BrezerLv14

it's a good story idea and the cheat the mc has is cool but that's all I have. the mc is an idiot and acts like he is 10 he is supposed to be a super genius accepted to MIT at 15 but he is an idiot and has no maturity at all. the people around him coddle him and treat him like he is 10 also. I mean he totally fabricated base and a water/sewer system from nothing and then builds a vehicle from scratch and has killed people but they still talk to him like hes a toddler and he takes it. I really cant get into the aunt and the freak women because that whole thing is terrible.. the dialogue is terrible and needs and editor in the worst way. the best chapter of the story was the first one and then it went to crap.

4yr

camy011
camy011Lv13

The grammar is really bad consisting almost entirely of run on sentences....................................................................

4yr
Beeruss
BeerussLv14

i change my review once i read it. Good Day for fishing ain't it, Hyuu Haaa! Forth eorligasss, Ride for ruin!!! to the world ending..........

4yr
Everything_Forever
Everything_ForeverLv14

The MC is an idiot,thought he would be smarter but apparently not. The grammar is pretty bad and it doesnt get any better with each chapter. I dont think this is a good story.

4yr
HaremBeGone
HaremBeGoneLv5

Do me a favour please if you see this comment, Shoot me a reply if this novel ever gets an editor so I can actually attempt to read it thanks.

4yr
Sage_Honos
Sage_HonosLv14

love the story! could use a bit of editing on the first few chapters but the rest is amazing! look forward to more. im a huge fan of magic technology combo stories! Especially since they are rather rare.

4yr
N0B0DY3
N0B0DY3Lv5

Listen if you want your story to ebcome better you have to fix it yourself and read everyone’s comment. I might sugar coat this, but many people would not and have no reason to because you chose to put this novel up unless you figure out how it fails it will keep failing. just a comment hope you can understand

3yr
ScionOfDegeneracy
ScionOfDegeneracyLv4

Author has no clue what actually represents as a peice of technology, lol. Just from the summary itself, I am already quite disappointed.

3yr
BrianG9677
BrianG9677Lv15

Synopsis was excellent clearly explains enough to catch readers interest. Chapter 1 which I dropped at ruins entirety of it Sentence structure is almost non existent I find it hard to believe that their is a family like that, horrible siblings and parents sure but to not even notice son isn't living with them Is difficult to believe. Another thing difficult to believe is them being so oblivious that they don't notice mc success in things

3yr
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