Review Detail of mrmrcia in My Empire of Dreams

I can see that dear Eric has a loose tongue with those explicit scenarios that he keep on spouting. Poor strait-laced Josh! He has to tolerate this kind of friends. The lad's lucky that he's not beside Eric in Alvaton. I'm hoping to see him in the future since the system promised to abduct him to. It's good to know that Eric has the goal of integrating new concepts and things during his stay in Alvaton. Though, it's a mystery that he adapted really quickly, daring not to question the system of its origin or purpose thoroughly. Restabilizing a country that's under anarchy is quite a daunting task. I was hoping for you to take your time in rebuilding his reputation and the nation itself. Eric is overworking Kipler! Increase his salary! No story is perfect, that is an absolute. As I didn't want to hamper your motivation to write, I just deducted a point in the writing quality. You're story still has a lot of events to tell, so I know that you'll improve in the coming future. [[[ Purely constructive criticisms. Please don't read, so you won't hate me ]]] The progression is a tad hasty. Being that the events lack transitional and minor actions. Also, since this is a novel that has action as one of its primary genre, please be more detailed regarding the happenings that transpire in the midst of battles, to the point that the readers could imagine what you want to show them vividly. The bout with Evans could be narrated more detailedly, to show the differences in their previous bouts. I noticed several grammar mistakes. There were unnecessary spaces between words and fluctuations. Also, punctuations are quite often misused or sometimes absent. Sometimes, your word choices are questionable. For example, in the first chapter there is this word 'fastened', This word generally means 'stuck together'. I presume that the word you wanted was 'hastened'. For you to have a good flow in your passages, the mastery of the English grammar is utterly important. However, take your time. No one can improve overnight. It is by writing consistently that you will see changes. I will be cheering you on! You have a good setting, and you as an author has a lot of potential.