The concept is good. This story could be great but it's somewhat unreadable. The author keep changing perspective that breaks the immersion. and keep using 1st person and 3rd person. Please choose one and stick with it.
Daoist_Xuyi
Liked by 21 people
LIKERelative to the kind of issues novels on this site tends to have. That is pretty fkn mild. Even if the changing 3rd and 1st person perspective of characters could be a pain - It's still nothing when compared to the horrendous grammar, cheap-ass writing decisions that ruins a story, and inconsistency that plagues novels on this site. My only serious problem from what you're saying, is that I don't already know the world the story is taking place in. And so it will take a moment to get used to. I'd make that trade any day though. If I can find no more serious flaws, I am fairly confident I will enjoy this.