Review Detail of Snowin in Destiny Dating
Review detail
A little late on this review, but here it goes. The writing is fine, perhaps better than 90% of the stuff I've ran on here. The only problems i see are with punctuation and some improper word choices. What I mean is, the writing doesn't flow very well at times. There were parts where sentences just seemed to merge when they shouldn't, or punctuation could've been tweaked a little to had a smoother flow. For example, noticed there are way too many transitions between places, with very few sentences to describe it. In the first couple chapters, there were many jumps and hops and i was just getting confused on where Tyler was at parts. On the topic of describing—there wasn't enough of it. Sure you Tyler is at a school or his home, but what does it look like. Even if it shows no importance to the plot, just saying he was in the chem lab or his room isn't really enough. Especially his room, where some details could reveal more about his persona and what not. Overall, there needs to be a little more descriptions and dialogue emotion between characters. Characters are quite fun, although i would question Moko's personality. The way i see him, the way he talks doesn't really make him intimidating or anything. It seems that all characters have some relation of speaking towards the author's own personality, which isn't a big deal, but it can be hard to make characters appealing later on. World/STORY- I don't know what to say, as I haven't read far enough yet. It seems to be unfolding nicely, and it'll be interesting where it goes. as for the story, its very unique. Never read anything about a dating app such as this one, (fantasy genre). This has a lot of potential if it doesn't bombard with cliches later on. So, it starts original, but i hope it doesn't fall into another romance/fantasy where the goal is to save the princess from badguys. And watch for character development; that needs to happen to keep this story alive. Nice job, ill keep this in my library.
Destiny Dating
shadowdrake27
Liked by 2 people
LIKEReplies3
Thank you for the detailed review and information! The timing of it is not an issue. I really appreciate this level of feedback! I’ll try to avoid cliches. So far, there is no damsel in distress, nor is the MC overpowered enough to save them from any threat. In fact, I made the fantasy world a matriarchy to avoid a few cliche things by default. The “every girl falls in love with the MC instantly” thing does seem to happen, but it’s a ploy. A later chapter reveals that the girls had ulterior motives for convincing the MC they were in love immediately. That is what I tried to do anyway... Personally, I don’t like adding a ton of detail on things that are going to be irrelevant; however, if there are too few details to make an immersive story, there is an issue. Moving forward I’ll try to include more details on the settings without over correcting. If I get a chance I’ll go back and add a paragraph or two about places we have been (like Tyler’s room). The same for transitions between places. A lot of people have pointed out the unfortunate phrasing in a few places. I can’t figure out if it’s just that I am not proofreading enough or if I have strange speech mannerisms that are making it into my writing. Thank you for brining it up! I’ll try to go back to edit for this and flow. Flow is something I am still working on even though I know the concept... Character development is something else I’m not the best at. My stories are usually short, so the characters can be relatively stagnant without it being an issue. If you do continue reading, please let me know how you think the characters are developing with chapter or paragraph comments. I’m not sure where you left off at, but there have already been a few attempts at subtle character development.
i will deff contonue reading, but im quite slow. Thing is, I'm already reading another book (Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson) and i don't read on this sight often. But ill do my best to read and see where this goes. Youll see my comments every now and then!
shadowdrake27:Thank you for the detailed review and information! The timing of it is not an issue. I really appreciate this level of feedback! I’ll try to avoid cliches. So far, there is no damsel in distress, nor is the MC overpowered enough to save them from any threat. In fact, I made the fantasy world a matriarchy to avoid a few cliche things by default. The “every girl falls in love with the MC instantly” thing does seem to happen, but it’s a ploy. A later chapter reveals that the girls had ulterior motives for convincing the MC they were in love immediately. That is what I tried to do anyway... Personally, I don’t like adding a ton of detail on things that are going to be irrelevant; however, if there are too few details to make an immersive story, there is an issue. Moving forward I’ll try to include more details on the settings without over correcting. If I get a chance I’ll go back and add a paragraph or two about places we have been (like Tyler’s room). The same for transitions between places. A lot of people have pointed out the unfortunate phrasing in a few places. I can’t figure out if it’s just that I am not proofreading enough or if I have strange speech mannerisms that are making it into my writing. Thank you for brining it up! I’ll try to go back to edit for this and flow. Flow is something I am still working on even though I know the concept... Character development is something else I’m not the best at. My stories are usually short, so the characters can be relatively stagnant without it being an issue. If you do continue reading, please let me know how you think the characters are developing with chapter or paragraph comments. I’m not sure where you left off at, but there have already been a few attempts at subtle character development.
Snowin:i will deff contonue reading, but im quite slow. Thing is, I'm already reading another book (Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson) and i don't read on this sight often. But ill do my best to read and see where this goes. Youll see my comments every now and then!