Review Detail of Sevennamed in The Devourer Emperor: A DxD FanFic

I tried to give this story a fair chance, but their are so many things wrong with it: - None of the characters in the story are believable to me. - No one in the MC’s life notices the extreamly obvious signs of child abuse. - The Mother commits suicied, instead of trying to save the son she “Loves” so much. - How could someone as stupid as the MC’s Father create anything worth stealing. - The grammar of this story is poor and makes for difficult reading. - I do not like the personality of the MC. - I do not like the two personalities of the system. - The prologue of this story was far too long. - Speaking of the prologue it seems that we are missing the actually important parts that happened during the MC’s reincarnation. - The Author fails at creating comedic dialogue between the MC and the System Personality. Is this enough constructive criticism?