Review Detail of Snowin in The Lotus And The Peach Blossom Men

Fair warning: I like to give reviews solely based upon the first chapter—because in my opinion, it is the most important chapter of the entire novel. Don't worry, I read ahead and will mention that later. Synopsis: Didn't really catch my attention till the last line. I think with a little rewording and different sentence structure it can be an amazing attention grabber. Nonetheless, better than most synopsis' I see on here so nicely done. Grammar: I can see English isn't your first language yes? Me too — don't worry — it'll get better the more you write. I was still able to read fine with a few grammar mistakes here and there making me re-read the sentence, but nothing is really bad, so nice job. Story/everything else: I always found dialogue at the beginning of the very first paragraph of the novel slightly confusing. It is a very hard thing to pull of correctly, and very hard to execute with later paragraphs. What Im saying is that putting dialogue at the beginning doesn't give me a clear image of what is happening. Yes, thei'r talking. yes, the have names. But who are they? What do they look like? Is there a special tone in their voice I should imagine? Are they sitting or standing? Are they outside or inside? Do they have an accent? These are some things you should consider. Also, I got pretty confused with the four different names to keep track of so early on. I had to reread a few times to understand who was talking to whom and so on.( Just a thought ) Overall, The story is cool and something new to me. My only recommendation is to just keep writing, reading, and improving. I am just an a m a t e u r writer so take this with a grain of salt if you must. I am simply stating my opinion as a reader and a reviewer! Anyhow, well done! and upload more chapters!