Review Detail of Will_Caruso in Heaven's Hammer

So I was wondering if any of you out there in the wide world could let me know what you think about this story. I know it needs work but I was kind of unsure of where to move the from here. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!