webnovel
Daoist773569
Daoist773569Lv13yr
2021-06-01 23:15

OMG, I LOVE YOUR STORY! The first chapter got me hooked already. I'm more focus on your plot and the heating up romance between the king and commoner. I'm looking forward to it. Also, I really don't mind with the writing errors (like proper punctuations, grammars, prose and such) but you really have to pay attention to the basics. I think you can do a simple self-edit to your manuscript just to correct those basic errors. Is this a rushed novel? Because THIS COULD BE A GREAT STORY. The unique plot speak for itself. You could have take your time to learn how to write a novel or hire an editor, then officially published to a publishing company. This story has a potential. With thorough edit, this could become successful. YOU SHOULD CONTINUE THIS STORY! WHERE ARE YOU? I NEED UPDATE 😅

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