So it’s that time again I have been force- ahem persuaded to once again drag myself out of my cave and review a story. I would like to say this is based on my opinion so take what I say with a grain of salt. Writing quality- for me five stars it’s clean I didn’t notice any errors that hampered my reading and no spelling mistakes were particularly noticed. Stability of updates- again five stars i would give it more if I could since this is the authors second novel which he is updating with his first. Story development- I gave this category four stars this is mostly due to lack of chapters since ideas differ vastly from execution though I will fully admit I like the presented idea of the novel and it’s current progression hence the four stars. Character design- for me it’s five stars I will say I’m not picky. I don’t even need a design for characters to work in my head, but I know some people are rather particular with getting an image so I encourage you to read it and see if it works for you or not. World building- for this I gave it four stars like story development there just isn’t enough for me to say it is amazing though it is brilliantly mysterious and so far consistent though this might change in the future though I hope it doesn’t. Now with Webnovels categories out of the way it’s time for my thoughts and opinions that didn’t seem to fit in any of them. First whilst I’ve said some very nice things about this novel there are some things that bugs me indefinitely that I can’t gloss over like some other choices. The major gripe I have and that’s the author tells a lot to the readers there is little to no inferring of character traits and characteristics of the cast since it’s told straight up with out any subtly. Which I found personally annoying especially when it’s repeated. Though it doesn’t detract from the story. I also so understand that it could just be a style choice and I’m just not clicking with it particularly. Another thing that is related to the a fore mentioned point is that we are told about character moments and that could be fun and show off the characters of Leo and Morganna especially they get shoved to the side with a couple lines of exposition whilst I suspect that this is due to the author wanting a certain pacing of the novel it still feels like a waste of potential of exploring the characters. Right onto something else that I have a slight distaste for character bipolar disorder whilst a lot of the characters are great they are fun to read about as they explore the new world. There is one character that I don’t sit well with and that’s the main character Leo himself aside from the authors Infamous brand of naming (curse you Cruz) the thing i am against is how he shifts seemingly out of nowhere at first he’s introduced as a self proclaimed bastard of a person he isn’t Voldemort evil but he happily sells away the souls of gamers for the chance of resurrection. The only problem I have with this is that he seems to care too much by the people that jump into his game. There isn’t an arc where he learns the benefits of being nice to people he just seems to suddenly care about the players which In my eyes doesn’t fit his established character of being unscrupulous to achieve his dream. I don’t know maybe it’s just me. In conclusion it’s a very fresh story exploring something mystical with a very fun cast of characters. It’s something I would recommend if you enjoy a more mysterious style with a system that is different to the usual whilst I am at odds with something’s in this novel it doesn’t detract from an entertaining read plus my name makes a cameo so there’s that. Now hopefully the author will remove the gun from my head. Pretty please.
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Lots of valid points here... and yeah, the speed in which time flies is necessary but does get explored in flashback scenes like the one in chapter 12 where Leo flashes back to Morgana's lecture. And I get what you mean about Leo's character switching from one end of the spectrum to another but I can't just keep him in one cage for a whole book. Like me and you, I feel like we all have an opposite personality to the one we portray that's already in place and really doesn't require growth. It's just two sides of the same coin that is you. So, in that regard, yeah, Leo can be a total dick, which you'll see again down the line, but as a game developer, his respect and love for his players is apparent in his game designing, which is where we currently are in the story. In the same way that waiters revere customers, that's how it is for Leo. Although that won't mean he's completely altruistic to them either. Ergo the crappy gear Ath3na gets at the beginning. Haha Yeah, I tend to explain a lot. It's a habit that bleeds into my writing and can remove some of the mystery. I'll work on making that less apparent. If you've got any advice on this front, do let me know. Lol Thanks for the honest review, Grimthorn! As always, you rock. Ahem, I can now put the shotgun away. Don't worry... it rarely ever comes out... 😈😈😈
Interesting points I’ll admit not buying it fully at the moment but I’ll see what happens who knows maybe this will be something I enjoy fully. Advice for not stating the obvious is rather simple to grasp but difficult to master in my opinion not that I’m an expert in the matter these are just my thoughts through out reading and dabbling in some of my own writing First the simple thing is don’t repeat yourself especially in the same chapter though this is more of a guideline than a rule like everything in writing since if the plot gets rather convoluted reminding the reader can be important but reminding everyone that black heart is an athlete a paragraph after he said it is redundant and can pull people out of the story where it could be used to explore the character what was it that made him aware of drug endured dangers was it stress? a desire to win? Or the accident if I Reiner correctly Now the other one is a lot more nuanced and is tricky because whilst it is technically simple there is also a lot of ways it will differ from reader to reader it makes the book more engaging at the expense of maybe not getting the direct meaning you were initially going for but for things like characteristics and character traits it’s a lot easier to apply like the fact that Morganna is greedy for example you don’t need to tell the reader it’s shown clearly by her dialog with the fact that she wants an extortionately high share of the souls it also shows her fixation on short term gains she isn’t an invested like Leo is. Leo looks at the big picture and chooses what benefits him the most long term whilst Morganna thinks short term and is impulsive and that’s from dialog alone. Another way is for body language like the fact that terror is usually associated with chattering teeth sweat, and shaking but the problem is that it can also be things of other emotions like anxiety hence the fact that readers may not pick the emotion you were originally gunning for. Now can you release my family?
GD_Cruz:Lots of valid points here... and yeah, the speed in which time flies is necessary but does get explored in flashback scenes like the one in chapter 12 where Leo flashes back to Morgana's lecture. And I get what you mean about Leo's character switching from one end of the spectrum to another but I can't just keep him in one cage for a whole book. Like me and you, I feel like we all have an opposite personality to the one we portray that's already in place and really doesn't require growth. It's just two sides of the same coin that is you. So, in that regard, yeah, Leo can be a total dick, which you'll see again down the line, but as a game developer, his respect and love for his players is apparent in his game designing, which is where we currently are in the story. In the same way that waiters revere customers, that's how it is for Leo. Although that won't mean he's completely altruistic to them either. Ergo the crappy gear Ath3na gets at the beginning. Haha Yeah, I tend to explain a lot. It's a habit that bleeds into my writing and can remove some of the mystery. I'll work on making that less apparent. If you've got any advice on this front, do let me know. Lol Thanks for the honest review, Grimthorn! As always, you rock. Ahem, I can now put the shotgun away. Don't worry... it rarely ever comes out... 😈😈😈
All valid points that should be addressed. I sometimes fail to show and devolve into tell when in the midst of writing. The hostages are free now... but I'm keeping the pet for now. (Insert evil laugh here) Thanks to your feedback, I went all the way to chapter one to fix consistency in Leo's attitude. I've also removed a bit of exposition, but forgive me, I like the fact that Leo calls Morgana a greedy B in his head. Lol. Currently editing chapter 7 now. Should be finished with 12 before lunch. Then I can get started on the next chapter.
Grimthorn:Interesting points I’ll admit not buying it fully at the moment but I’ll see what happens who knows maybe this will be something I enjoy fully. Advice for not stating the obvious is rather simple to grasp but difficult to master in my opinion not that I’m an expert in the matter these are just my thoughts through out reading and dabbling in some of my own writing First the simple thing is don’t repeat yourself especially in the same chapter though this is more of a guideline than a rule like everything in writing since if the plot gets rather convoluted reminding the reader can be important but reminding everyone that black heart is an athlete a paragraph after he said it is redundant and can pull people out of the story where it could be used to explore the character what was it that made him aware of drug endured dangers was it stress? a desire to win? Or the accident if I Reiner correctly Now the other one is a lot more nuanced and is tricky because whilst it is technically simple there is also a lot of ways it will differ from reader to reader it makes the book more engaging at the expense of maybe not getting the direct meaning you were initially going for but for things like characteristics and character traits it’s a lot easier to apply like the fact that Morganna is greedy for example you don’t need to tell the reader it’s shown clearly by her dialog with the fact that she wants an extortionately high share of the souls it also shows her fixation on short term gains she isn’t an invested like Leo is. Leo looks at the big picture and chooses what benefits him the most long term whilst Morganna thinks short term and is impulsive and that’s from dialog alone. Another way is for body language like the fact that terror is usually associated with chattering teeth sweat, and shaking but the problem is that it can also be things of other emotions like anxiety hence the fact that readers may not pick the emotion you were originally gunning for. Now can you release my family?
All valid points that should be addressed. I sometimes fail to show and devolve into tell when in the midst of writing. The hostages are free now... but I'm keeping the pet for now. (Insert evil laugh here) Thanks to your feedback, I went all the way to chapter one to fix consistency in Leo's attitude. I've also removed a bit of exposition, but forgive me, I like the fact that Leo calls Morgana a greedy B in his head. Lol. Currently editing chapter 7 now. Should be finished with 12 before lunch. Then I can get started on the next chapter.
Grimthorn:Interesting points I’ll admit not buying it fully at the moment but I’ll see what happens who knows maybe this will be something I enjoy fully. Advice for not stating the obvious is rather simple to grasp but difficult to master in my opinion not that I’m an expert in the matter these are just my thoughts through out reading and dabbling in some of my own writing First the simple thing is don’t repeat yourself especially in the same chapter though this is more of a guideline than a rule like everything in writing since if the plot gets rather convoluted reminding the reader can be important but reminding everyone that black heart is an athlete a paragraph after he said it is redundant and can pull people out of the story where it could be used to explore the character what was it that made him aware of drug endured dangers was it stress? a desire to win? Or the accident if I Reiner correctly Now the other one is a lot more nuanced and is tricky because whilst it is technically simple there is also a lot of ways it will differ from reader to reader it makes the book more engaging at the expense of maybe not getting the direct meaning you were initially going for but for things like characteristics and character traits it’s a lot easier to apply like the fact that Morganna is greedy for example you don’t need to tell the reader it’s shown clearly by her dialog with the fact that she wants an extortionately high share of the souls it also shows her fixation on short term gains she isn’t an invested like Leo is. Leo looks at the big picture and chooses what benefits him the most long term whilst Morganna thinks short term and is impulsive and that’s from dialog alone. Another way is for body language like the fact that terror is usually associated with chattering teeth sweat, and shaking but the problem is that it can also be things of other emotions like anxiety hence the fact that readers may not pick the emotion you were originally gunning for. Now can you release my family?
Fair enough I was just using Morganna as it was a really easy example that was crystal clear so my point could get across. I will definitely check it out after I’ve slept for a few hours see how it turns out and probably leave my thoughts somewhere. On that note you can keep the fish they ain’t mine maybe have them for lunch or something. 😉
GD_Cruz:All valid points that should be addressed. I sometimes fail to show and devolve into tell when in the midst of writing. The hostages are free now... but I'm keeping the pet for now. (Insert evil laugh here) Thanks to your feedback, I went all the way to chapter one to fix consistency in Leo's attitude. I've also removed a bit of exposition, but forgive me, I like the fact that Leo calls Morgana a greedy B in his head. Lol. Currently editing chapter 7 now. Should be finished with 12 before lunch. Then I can get started on the next chapter.
wow... just amazing
The review?
LiLhyz:wow... just amazing
Yes. You really put your heart into giving the details. 👍
Grimthorn:The review?
Just doing what I normally do personally since I hate half assing reviews since I am a picky reader and usually use reviews to see if it’s worth it or not. I’m glad you found it either enjoyable or useful.
LiLhyz:Yes. You really put your heart into giving the details. 👍
