This was a really, really great story. Well, it's not perfect, but it does take you in in a tide of emotions. I loved the colorful way the author wrote it. I could easily imagine the scenarios and if this was an anime, I would imagine just how the scenes would transition out. In fact, I think this can be a really great script for an animated short. I'd help out the author in making one if I knew the people who could help out, but sadly, I don't have the connections. On another note, the pacing was absolutely wonderful, and frankly, it's one of the best I've read in this platform. It's not so often people can read anything as filled with humanity and intrigue as this piece. Go on and read it, and find out why I like it so much. (Note to author: Listed below are a few things you can do to improve the piece: -General grammar: usage of commas, cutting down long sentences, using the right punctuations -Chinese Names Issues: Not all your readers know if a Chinese name is meant for a girl or a boy (and your names were a bit neutral too). I didn't realize which characters were male and female until the later chapters. Also, it's kinda weird how they call each other with their full names. I would think some of them might have nicknames. In fact, adding nicknames might make the story even more believable. (Xiao Huai~ Chang'er~, stuff like that LOL I suck at Chinese). -Time, oh, time: You forget to describe the time aspects more concretely. I was frankly a bit confused about when the explosion would occur. And little things, too, like how they suddenly just jumped from the Hua Residence to the library. Fix it up a bit more for coherence. And... that's about it? Improve it more and it can be a masterpiece. Super great job!)
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Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm really glad you enjoyed it! (An animated short would be nice, haha...) Thanks for pointing out the areas for improvement. I do have a tendency to throw in a lot of commas and run-on sentences... Yeah, with the Chinese names, about six months after I wrote this I was like, "Wait. They're close friends. They wouldn't refer to Wang Zhaoshu and Lin Yuxing by their full names." Also because of the blacklisting thing I didn't include what characters their names would be...if I did I think it might be a bit easier to tell. Anyway, thanks again! I'll be sure to fix it up when I find the time (life is hectic help).
hahaha awesome! And true, life is a nasty little thing taking us away from writing!
