Review Detail of slaves in Stronger. {A Naruto FanFic}
Review detail
Let's start. Writing quality is quite nice, there're some typos here and there but overall - good. The author updates frequently, but with this kind of a pace, you might burn out. Yeah, pace. The pace of the story is rushed. 5 years in one time-skip, 3 years in one time-skip, months in several time-skips and that is why. That is why the character design suffers a lot. Mc of this story is annoying, most of the time. He is ungrateful and mischievous (I will come back to this one). I admit, that you didn't ruin him as an assassin with the whole rebirth thing, but ASIDE the Mc, other characters feel bland. They're ok, truly average, but it could be better, if only you paid them some attention. With that said, we're coming onto the next one - World background - it's awful. The world revolves around the Mc, like in some rpgs. Without the Mc, nothing is going on. You've made a 5 year time-skip about an orphanage and said that he only slept there. So, you're telling me, that he didn't communicate, no one asked him anything and etc? Also, what I think is the worst thing about this novel - 'stupidity'. For example, when he takes Anko's cursed mark. The Mc is mischievous so he tries to play it as like he's ignorant and innocent, it's ok, but what is not ok is Hiruzen. Yes, Hiruzen, the third hokage. The one, that led Uzumaki to death. The one, who defended his village against the Kyūbi. The one, who got over the deaths of his most cared ones. The one, who was one of the strongest shinobi in the world, DIDN'T SEE THROUGH THE PLAY. Oh, well, maybe Tenko is just a great actor, ok. What about Hiashi? Yes, that Hiashi Hyūga. The one, that oppressed the whole clan. The one, who was as militarism-minded as Danzo and you're telling me that HE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO CAPTURE THE BRAT? ESPECIALLY, WHEN HE'S FROM THE ROUGE HYŪGA WHORE? That's so fucked up. Oh and what I forgot to mention: the 3 year time-skip, the time-skip of the academy. You made it look like he only learnt some techniques and that's it. No communication? No bond building? No? Nothing? Watching the Mc grow is entertaining, for sure, but what next?
Stronger. {A Naruto FanFic}
I_Am_Soh
Liked by 7 people
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Hey, before I start, thanks for reading! 1. The pace is only like that because that's when the actual story begins. Seeing the story before that would've been pointless. You're the first person to say that's it too fast tbh. 2. Characters only feel 'bland' or they feel like I don't pay enough attention to them because it's unnecessary fluff and they aren't relevant to the overall plot. The MC is just using them as stepping stones so having useless conversations is not part of his persona. You may find it annoying, but hey, that's just how it is. 3. The world doesn't revolve around the MC, the world just...moves. Everything happens around him but he doesn't do anything about it because it just doesn't concern him. I think you were meaning to say that the plot revolves around the MC, but that's what an MC is. 4. The tags are 'evil', 'ruthless'. Bonds are meaningless when the MC is gonna meet the exact same characters on the battlefield. He has no reason to bond with them. I've made a point of showing that the MC just doesn't answer when people talk to him if he doesn't wanna talk. Of course, people tried to talk to him but, again, useless conversation. 5. Hiruzen is not as ruthless as you make him out to be. Sure he did those things but do you remember how indecisive he is? He wouldn't move on Tendo unless he has concrete proof and even then, Tendo might be spared. Tendo is a kid who is exhausted from removing a curse mark from one of the three great sannin. Doesn't it make sense for Hiruzen to believe him? Context is important. About Hiashi, Tendo was also a senju so making a move on him is way more risky than if he was just a normal exiled son of a Hyuga woman. He's oppressive, but not rash and stupid.
I_Am_Soh:Hey, before I start, thanks for reading! 1. The pace is only like that because that's when the actual story begins. Seeing the story before that would've been pointless. You're the first person to say that's it too fast tbh. 2. Characters only feel 'bland' or they feel like I don't pay enough attention to them because it's unnecessary fluff and they aren't relevant to the overall plot. The MC is just using them as stepping stones so having useless conversations is not part of his persona. You may find it annoying, but hey, that's just how it is. 3. The world doesn't revolve around the MC, the world just...moves. Everything happens around him but he doesn't do anything about it because it just doesn't concern him. I think you were meaning to say that the plot revolves around the MC, but that's what an MC is. 4. The tags are 'evil', 'ruthless'. Bonds are meaningless when the MC is gonna meet the exact same characters on the battlefield. He has no reason to bond with them. I've made a point of showing that the MC just doesn't answer when people talk to him if he doesn't wanna talk. Of course, people tried to talk to him but, again, useless conversation. 5. Hiruzen is not as ruthless as you make him out to be. Sure he did those things but do you remember how indecisive he is? He wouldn't move on Tendo unless he has concrete proof and even then, Tendo might be spared. Tendo is a kid who is exhausted from removing a curse mark from one of the three great sannin. Doesn't it make sense for Hiruzen to believe him? Context is important. About Hiashi, Tendo was also a senju so making a move on him is way more risky than if he was just a normal exiled son of a Hyuga woman. He's oppressive, but not rash and stupid.
Everything the reviewer said is true and the Author did label his tags correctly. To prevent you from experiencing further disappointment, do as I do and look to the reviews when you come across stories with tags similar to evil protag and see if it has anything else to offer. Like an engaging story that expands upon the world with characters that remain true to cannon. If it doesn't fit your criteria, then continue onwards to the next fic.