Review Detail of shadowdrake27 in Be Supreme!

Finally getting to my review! I’ll explain your rating in each category. There is a disclaimer though, I read all five chapters, but the story seems like it is still in the intro/early stages. These things may change once someone reads further into the story. I’m also rating with that in mind. Writing Quality Everything was mostly understandable, so good job there. There was some comma misuse, but it usually didn’t affect readability. I took a point off for bigger issues like repetition, verbs that weren’t conjugated correctly so they sounded awkward, sentences that were confusing, and tense changes. I noted a lot of these with comments in the story itself. There was also an issue with great writing muddled by average explanations. Things like “his hand was trembling. In case you missed that, the trembling means he was nervous.” I exaggerate, but all of these were worth one point. The other point that was lost was due to the perspective. I’m not sure if this is a preference things or an actual mistake, but I didn’t think it read well. We basically followed the perspective of the MC; however, occasionally we got access to random conversations he wasn’t present at, the thoughts of other characters, and the unnamed narrators personality every so often. It felt like I was Leon, but I randomly switched bodies with anyone he talked to. I would see Leon through their eyes rather than see them through Leon’s eyes. It threw me off, personally. 3/5. Stability of Updating Automatic 5/5. Story Development This is hard to judge so early. Everything seemed to be developing well but very stereotypically. I thought the story started interesting, then slowly devolved into your average iseaki. At chapter five, we are waiting for the world building/shock of being in the new world thing to wear off. There isn’t much about the plot unique to this story. I took off a point for how generic everything seemed, especially since it started off different and interesting. I said 4/5. Character Design This one was also though. We don’t know much about the characters yet. They were mostly defined and distinct. Still, a lot of generic characters for this genre. I took a point off for all of the generic building. I took another point off for the main character. Why the main character lost a point? Because he started off with a unique and fresh perspective (in my opinion) for this genre. He was a bitter old man who felt life was unfair. He even wanted to die until it was actually happening. In his last moments he begged for a second chance. Then, boom! He became the stereotypical teenage boy in body and mind. He spent more time grumbling that he didn’t have a “cheat” or special power than he did marveling at how happy he was to be alive. His experience as a grumpy old man is only mentioned once (and it is by a character thinking “he seems older somehow” with no specific action or dialogue). Basically, there were two MCs. The bitter old man that that died in chapter one, and the iseaki fanboy that stole his body in chapter two. The author and I did talk about how this is possible, but I didn’t think it came across well. 3/5. World background This is hard. It’s so early in the story that this rating is probably off. Basically, the old world the MC dies in has no given information. We can assume it’s the real world, I guess. The new world is just “generic mid-eval fantasy” with no special or defining features so far. Authors don’t have to focus on the world, they can fold details into their story. If this is what the author is doing, keep it up. However, the vagueness of everything we know about the world so far leads me to believe that the author intended for “generic mid-eval fantasy” to be enough world building with the exception of explaining magic in this world. Let’s call it minus one for vague generic world and minus one for lack of detail on it. To be fair, I think the next few chapters would take this up to a 4 just by adding more info3/5.